LAX

somedays time stands still and other days it flies by. why is it, when you need just a little more time you never have it, and when you need no more time - you seem to have all the time in the world? (deep thoughts by yours truly, you are welcome)

saturday was one of those days. we (me and this fella) were having to leave L.A. after we dried the tears (okay, he would probably like me to point out that there were no tears, but still...it was kind of sad!), we headed on our merry way to LAX. (p.s. we will probably be in this weeks US weekly - on new stands friday...) after taking over an hour to get to the airport, we both knew we were going to miss our flight. we ARRIVED to the airport at 1:30, our flight left at 1:50. we actually checked our bags, made it through security, RAN to the terminal (i have always wanted to be that person, they always look so cool running, like they were so busy doing something SO important that they almost missed their flight....i bet i looked as cool as i envisioned...yeah, no) as the guy was yelling our names, sat down and OFF...we were headed to nashville. it was the quickest twenty minutes of my life.

but, what i would like you to know is the characters we met along the way that way.

cussin' grandpa. bless him. grandpa was a rather dapper looking black man. shirt tucked in, nice hat on, at first glance looked like someone i would strike a conversation with any day. as grandpa, his daughter and grand daughter got on the tram, i noticed that his daughter had her purse in one hand and a bag of adult diapers in the others. my first thought, if i am being honest was, "why does that lady have those adult diapers just out in the bag, you need to hide those things." (hey, just keeping it real.) i quickly learned the reason. grandpa probably used them frequently. as grandpa sat down he muttered under his breath but loud enough for anyone close by to hear one curse word after another. he clearly had advanced dementia. he fought with his pocket for a few minutes trying to get a rock out that was not there, until his daughter convinced him that it really was his pocket. remember all of this as he is cursing every breath, but not frustrated really, just using flavorful language. as sad as it may seem, he seemed to have a very loving support system and seemed to be happy, @#$%^&. i can only imagine what the person that sat by him on the plane had to endure the four hour ride home to nashville. i have to say my travel companion has got a stellar grandpa impersonation. i am sure we will still be talking about him for years to come. i kinda wish the tram ride would have been a little longer, i liked that guy.

guyly-girl. you have heard of a girly girl. but have you heard of a guyly-girl? well, now you have. as we were rushing through trying to make it on the plane. we checked our bags and had to take them to the folks that would put it on the plane. as we handed our luggage over, and made eye contact with the person that was responsible, time stopped for a second or two. 'cause there stood a lady that was clearly born a man. all i could think was, "man, i sure do wish someone would show you how to do your make-up just a little better." but what i would say to him or her today is, "how the heck did our luggage make it to nashville when we did?" don't judge, jessica.

lip-lockers. as we got on the plane in a panic, a few rows up in my clear view was a couple very much in love or lust. they were in head over heels, whatever it was. as the plane took off, they locked lips and continued to lock them for a good five minutes. they were an older couple and continued lovin' on each other throughout the whole flight. behind them sat another older couple who were more than put out with the whole situation that as occurring in the seat in front of them. i have to say, it made the four hour place ride seem like two.

swine-flu. directly in front of our seat, i am quite confident the lady had the funk in a bad way. she was coughing every breath and the kinda cough were you wonder well.....you know. she was not good. i tried not to stare, which was easy because i was too busy watching lip-lockers.

and that my friends, was just the plane ride.

the night before we had hung out with sandra oh. oh oh.