moanie red eyes.

my brother is twelve years older than me.

so let's say i was twenty one...that would make him thirty three.  i am not twenty one though, i am old and he is waaaay older.

that's another story.

growing up, i wanted nothing more than his full attention all the time.  i remember when i was five thinking he was the absolute coolest person on the planet.  i would beg and beg for him to stay home and play with me, instead he always chose his friends.  jerk.

so i would go and watch he and his friends play basketball for hours until mom would wrangle me into the bed.  not only was my brother cool, but his friends were just as cool.  and watching all of them playing basketball, even though they would completely ignore me for hours was the ultimate for me.  in my heart of hearts, i felt included.

i am not that smart either.

this is clear.

so at night after the ball games and after doing whatever really cool eighteen year old brothers do...i would be asleep in my bed and hear him get home and trapsey to his bed.

i would wait.

wait until i heard the saltine cracker pack stop rattling.  and until i heard a nice snoring chorus.

(being in the house with my mom and brother growing up and their snores...i am still tired...)

i would ever so gently sneak out of my bed and go into his room, eat whatever saltine crackers he had left and snuggle right up next to him for the rest of the night.  it was time with my cool brother.  time he was unaware that he was giving to me, but i just knew that's exactly where he wanted me.

until.

he would wake up in the mornings and in one heave, awake or not, he would push me out of the bed and onto the floor.

and then i would cry my little five year old eyes out and he would call me 'moanie red eyes' until my mom would get onto both of us and chastise me for getting out of my bed again in the night.

and then all would be well.

until the next night when i would hear my really cool eighteen year old brother, saltines in hand trapsey to his bed...