a series of unfortunate events.

i'll just dive right in.  i wish i was diving in a pool right now, or rather doing the canon ball because my dive just is not all that awe-some but since i am not, and on dry land in my living room in cold nashville, i will tell you what happened to me on sunday.  i am just now ready to talk about it.  that's a lie.  its, like, the most exciting, weirdest thing that has happened to me, like, ever...so i have been talking about it non stop.  see?

sunday i was in our local publix grocery store for...you guessed it...groceries.  well, we both were...brad and jessica, shopping together for groceries.  we are exciting like that and we like food.  so there.  he had went off to find something that i am sure i sent him to find while i rallied the rest of the groceries.  as i was walking in the frozen section, i went to pull open the door of the freezer to get some turkey sausage and when i pulled on the door it was jammed shut.  so not thinking anything about it really, i pulled again...and when i did WHAM! out of no where the sign above the section fell from the sky and onto the bridge of my nose.  it was some of the most intense pain that i have ever felt.  maybe because it was so sudden and unexpected.  maybe because...it just HURT.  but my lord, the pain was unbearable.  i immediately looked around the isle through rolling tears to see if anyone was there to help me.  of course no one was there.  so i reached up and felt me nose, and IT was still there, so that was good.  but i didn't know if i was bleeding, if it was blue, what was going on. and i was balling crying from the pain and i couldn't find brad.

let me paint a picture for you.

in the cart there were (keeping it real) tampons, pads, turkey sausage and milk.  then here's crazy lady pushing the cart with one hand, looking down while holding her nose with the other, all while sobbing crying and wiping away the tears with my sweatshirt.  of course brad was just out of reach.  i could see him but as i got closer to him, he just got further away, finally when i thought i might be close enough to yell once and he might hear me...i said, "brad!!!" he heard me thank god, and came running over.  and seeing my tears was alarmed.  and you know how it is when you see someone you love and you are already upset and then they are sweet to you and you loose it.  well, crazy publix lady with the jacked up face lost it.  

i was in pain, and crying and brad said, "what happened honey?"  

"a s-i-i-i-i-i-ign just fell fell fell fell... and hit my nose and IT REALLY HUUUUURT."

what brad heard, "someone just hit me and it really huuuurt."  

brad said, "someone HIT YOU!"  where???"

when that was out of the way and we lowered his blood pressure, i took him to the scene of the crime and he said to stay there and in five seconds, he was back with the manager.

then i had to feel out papers, and sign my life away.

free groceries at least????  you would think.  


today and yesterday are the first days it really doesn't hurt, sometimes i think it hurts, but i think those are just phantom pain and not really anything at all.

publix has since been in contact with me a lot and have paid me a settlement so they are not liable for anything else related to my nose.  nothing i asked for, but they willingly presented me with money to cover all things that might incur related to damages.

it was really just a freak accident. and will most likely never happen again, but man oh man it hurt.

and you know what the worst part of it all was????

when we got home, i discovered i accidentally got sausage sausage instead of turkey sausage!  

this blog was gonna be a two parter and the other unfortunate event was gonna be how my masseuse pooted when he was giving me my massage on valentines and how my immature self could only focus on not laughing instead of relaxing, but i got a little carried away with my other story...

so i will stop.

for my sake.  and yours.

happy friday friends!

next week...

we are going here...(we, meaning me and you, my readers.)  
like, i have already been but i am going to post pictures and you are gonna feel like you went to.  
get it?  
got it?


Liz with the Lovely Life said...

What a story! I am laughing my butt off and feeling your pain all at the same time! I hope your nose feels better soon and that no other complications happen! geeze-hope you have a great weekend- you definitely deserve it!

Amanda I said...

You had to pay for your groceries after all that; that doesn't seem right. Glad it's getting better!

Anonymous said...

MAN!!! horrible. What a freak accident :) Feel better!

jessica dukes said...

I know! How did that possibly happen to ME!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that happened...i cringed just thinking of that pain! Feel better SOON!!!

Briana@SweetCGrace said...

I'm sorry - I seem to be the only one with the 13-year old humor, because I'm rolling, thinking - how did your masseuse get so relaxed that HE let one go? Isn't that normally the fear of the person actually getting the massage? But, yes, OMG, about the nose - that would be awful!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! I hope you feel better!!!

Happy Saturday!

Keep Shining,

jessica dukes said...

ha, thanks girls...:-)

and briana, i am glad someone else felt my pain about my massage...it was so terrible because i was like "get control of yourself! and act mature!!!"

lord help me.

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