dad and parkinson's.

this is my daddy, back in his younger days.  we are twins.  we look just a like, i have more often than not been called little roy.  either he looks like a girl, or i look like a boy, the jury is still out.  (please keep your opinion to yourself.  thank you very much!) 
little roy is a name i have never minded being called.  anyone should be so lucky.  i would argue with anyone that wanted to take me on, that he is the best dad, possibly man in the entire world.  
and many that know him would agree with me.  he gave me a lot of things as a child living at home, a roof over my head, provisions, cell phones and CD players...
he is humble, unassuming and kind.  he is gifted with his hands and mind.  he can engineer and build anything.  he had an organic garden, way before organic was the thing to do.  he would start the seed in the garage under a makeshift green house that he created and then see the fruits of his labor months later.  he has built wood burning stoves, wagons for children, wreckers and rollbacks (he is a mechanic by trade) buying just the raw, basic truck and adding all the equipment and hydraulics to make it function as he needed.  he can do anything. he even made an album back in the day.  what i am trying to tell you and convince you, is that he is a big deal basically.
twenty one years ago, after a simple shake of the hand and thinking things might not be right, he got the blow of a life time, he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.  i hate parkinson's disease, it makes me angry.  i have watched my dad who was once a very able bodied man with no reservations, become more and more debilitated because of this disease.  he worries that he will fall and injure himself, and he has.  he worries what people think when they see him or meet him, because he always has a tremor if not more.  sometimes his whole body gets locked up for no apparent reason and he is so stiff he can not move.  he has lost his voice, he talks in a whisper, but sometimes and randomly it might be louder.  
he is the most godly man i know.  he always taught me by example, even when i was not teachable and all i have ever wanted to do was make him proud.  he has prayed for me everyday since the day i was born.  and every time i see him, he hugs me and without fail tells me that i am a winner and he believes in me.  and it makes me tear up every time (doesn't take much).  
today i talked to my mom and she said, "your daddy fell again a couple of days ago."  that line hurts my heart, and tears me to the core in no time flat.  it scares me.  it makes me feel guilty that i am not there.  it makes me mad.  i can just see him lying there after he falls; it makes me worry about my dad and what that does to his psyche.  i want him to meet my children one day and dance with me at my wedding.  
i have always known that i was blessed to have parents such as mine. even on the many days as a teenager and young adult when i did not like them.  the older i have gotten, the more i realize how fortunate my life has really been.
fortunate to have a dad who showed me by example how to love people.  and how to be truly kind.  and to have a open heart.  when i grow up, my hope is to be just like him.

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