CA-CA!

growing up, i always wanted a nickname.  i have always felt (and still do) if you have a nickname, you are just a tad bit cooler than the rest of the population that does not have a nickname.  i would even try to give my friends nicknames - trying to tell them without saying "hey, i think you are cool, you hear me, i have deemed you with a nickname.  please return the love."  yeah, nothing.  they had nicknames, but clearly were not that smart.  just something like jess or jesse.  it's really simple folks, please shorten my name, i will feel cooler and forever will have a nickname.  nope.

occasionally, my uncle would call me gypsy.  he actually calls me gyp all the time.  but your uncle donning you with a nickname that he alone calls you...i just needed more.  i like gyp, and if it would have caught on, i would be happy to be gyp today.

so i continued my life with my lack of coolness.  and let me just say, "i am a survivor."  i was able to graduate high school and college without a nickname, kinda.  while in college, i nannied for a family with three small children, the youngest being non-verbal,  so occasionally his mom would refer to me as 'ca.'  the last two letters of my name, not attractive, but maybe, just maybe...i was reaching coolness.  

when i graduated college, i was working my first job out of school and fell i love.  i feel head over heels.  for macey.  she was the most precious little thing, and she started calling me 'caca.'  i loved her before the nickname, but after the nickname...she scores as a favorite in my book.  i was just hoping it would stick and the world would know me as 'caca.'  and yes, i know what it means in spanish, if you do not...look her up. oh yes, that's right.

the more i got to know LD and her little one, she just transferred the love from macey.  she's called me 'caca' since birth and for the last almost eight years, as long as she has been alive, she only knows me as 'caca.'  she has tried to "be cool" herself on occasion and call me 'jes-c-ca.'  and that is how she literally pronounces it, it is almost hard for her to say, because to her that is just not my name.  and the greatest thing is...it caught on...most all my close friends know me as 'caca.'  it's awesome and i feel cool.  

sometimes.  most of the time.  i am normally called 'caca.'  but what comes of  'caca,' more often than not is 'cocky,'  'caca wocka,' 'wocka caca.'  i am called all these names on a daily basis.  and i respond to them all, they are my names and i accept that.  it never fails when we are at dinner, in a public place or somewhere that 'caca' just sounds a little harsh, but since it's my name, i don't give it much thought, she will say, "hey cock."  yep.  never fails.  her mother and i just always look at each other and don't respond.  then she will change it back to 'caca' and all is good with the world.  

and then suddenly, i am just living me life, going about my business.  i am 'caca.'  on occasion 'caca wocka.'  lots of days 'cocky.'  but mostly, 'caca.'  and i am good with that.  i feel cool.  then this fella waltzes in, and for some reason unbeknownest to me...and all my 'caca' followers, he up and changes my name.  does that mean he thinks i am really cool, since he feels the need to change things up?  does he just think my day to day 'caca' is boring?  or maybe he thinks i am boring, and feels the need to make my day to day a little more exciting. i digress.  so now my day to day is "CA-CA!  CA-CA!" [flapping his arms like a pterodactyl].  it's bad enough that he is amused by this, but for some ungodly reason, little bit has taken to the name as well.  she has been happy with 'caca' for all her eight years, and now, 'caca' is no longer acceptable.  when she calls my name she says "CA-CA!  CA-CA!"  [flapping HER arms like a pterodactyl].  

dear lord. 

i am embarrassed.  

  oh for the days of jessica. 

being cool is not all it's cracked up to be.  

  trust me, i know.