black balloon.

my heart has been heavy lately.  three things in particular that i just can't shake.  and no matter what i am doing or how busy i am...and i am busy...i keep coming back to them.  even in the midst of fun, i find myself wondering back to those things...and wish i could do something.  to change those things, to make them better.  to make the outcome different.  it is frustrating and raw...

and all though i can do nothing about that, i did something about this.

when i was a nanny for my family that now lives in chicago, we decided to detour from our norm one day and go to the green hills library in nashville verses the normal downtown library where we had permanent seats on the carpet.  i am crazy like that...taking the kids to a different library and all.  hold me back, somebody.

story time there was above par (speaking of par, i can hardly wait for the masters this year!) but nothing to write home about.  it was fine.  afterwards, the lady in charge had balloons and was blowing them up and telling the kids to raise their hands and tell her the color that they wanted.

i am a nanny.  when i have the children with me that i am responsible for, i make them mind and listen.  children for the most part are well behaved for me.  this day was no exception.  i had my two children that i was responsible for and they were being good, sweet and listening.  when the lady asked the children to raise their hand to tell her the color balloon they wanted, my little harriet raised her hand and stood up and said without being called on, "i would like a pink balloon."  no, she as not called on. yes, she was three.  yes, she raised her hand.  yes, i told her to sit down and wait her turn but understood the anticipation and impatientness of a three year old waiting for the balloon.

the lady in charge ignored her.  ignored her until she was the last child waiting.  and she was waiting so patiently.  when the last child was given a balloon we walked up to the lady with all the meekness we could muster and asked for a pink balloon please. she looked at harriet and blew up a black balloon and handed it to her.

i have never been so mad in my entire life.  i wanted to take that balloon and pop it right in that lady's face.  i could not believe the meanness that was in her heart to do that to a little sweet child that only wanted a pink balloon.  i will never forget that day. and i also have never went back to that library since and everyone that has asked me about that library in the nanny world...yes, there is one...i have told them that story.

i do not understand the intolerance that people sometimes show for children.  the intolerance is unacceptable to me, especially when that is your job.  you was being paid to be sweet to a child to make their day and you give them a black balloon.

ugh.

that happened a long time ago and i still think about it and it still overwhelms me that that even happened.

but it did.  and i am over it.

well, not over it.

clearly, not over it.

but i am getting over it.

now, i think i am over it.

i saw a black balloon tonight at the predators game and a flood of emotion happened.  

clearly.

and for that i am sorry.

but i just need you to know these things.

there.  i feel better.

good night.

3 comments:

Lacie said...

Why, oh why, wasn't I there? I could have explained to her the errors of her way for you.

Sorry about your heavy heart. If you need to talk, just let me know and I'll head back to the trail and wait for your call.

Clore Photography said...

Eww, that's so ugly. I don't think I ever really had any great experiences there either. Storytime was always so so. I feel like downtown is much better for the little childrens.

The Box Rover said...

why did she even have a black balloon? what kid goes and asks for a black balloon? if you ask me, that lady is a black balloon!

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