the situation in memphis.

LD, bessie and i survived memphis.  now onto florida.  i am home for 11 hours (six of them sleeping) and on a flight to florida where the little fellas, lil' bit and i will be reunited.

go ahead, give yourself permission...
'reunited and it feeeeeeeeeeels sooooooo gooooooOOOOoooood'
okay, enough of that.  stop that.  you are embarrassing yourself.

here are some highlights from the weekend:

the cast of characters (LD and bessie) and myself were celebrating LD's return home from europe for a year.  celebrating her?  i just had a thought, she SHOULD HAVE BEEN celebrating US.  she has been in EUROPE and traveling all over for eleven months.  we have been in nashville - working, eating, sleeping and doing it all over again.  while she was out painting the world, we were doing the day to day.  she tricked us into thinking that she was the one to be celebrated...  hold on, i need to call her and let her know that i do not appreciate being mislead so...

during our stay in elvis' land, we had dinner at silky o' sullivans.  which between the dueling pianos, the six bachelorette parties (if you are getting married, apparently that is the place to be...) and the 80's night that we unfortunately missed the memo on, we were thoroughly entertained...then brandon sauntered over.  (more on that later)

the 80's party.  let's discuss this further.  they were in costume.  young and old and they looked original and awesome.  let's see, there was the michael jackson red pleather complete with the glove and jerry curl, there was a white mister t - shaved head appropriate and all, tom cruise was there in full flight gear and then there were leggin's, leg warmers and crimping to boot.  there were side pony tails, neon and mini skirts.  my prize would have went to mister t.  he was on.  (did i ever mention that when we went to LA, we got an upclose and personal with the real mister t.  like b.a. baracus?  the man?  gold necklaces and all?  he was on the tonight show with conan o'brien (awww, coco, we miss you...) while we were there.  we are that cool.  really we are.  

back to brandon sauntering over.  
1.  i am not a bar type kinda girl.  never have never will be.  at times in my life i have wanted to be and tried really hard to be, but it is not me.  it is a lifestyle that i will never understand.
2.  the whole...girls sitting at a table...guy saunters over to hit on one or all three girls.  again, not a fan.  we are at our table.  you are at yours.  we did not come together, we will not leave together.  i would not be at this establishment if i could not afford the beverages that i have purchased.  so no, i do not, in fact, need to or want you to buy my drink.
3.  see one and two.

so you can see how thoroughly i was entertained, after a bunch of useless chatter from brandon.  i was really not listening, i was zoned into the 80's party and the bachelorettes that were embarrassing themselves.  he told me thirty five times that i was a lightweight because i had a girly drink and water.  and i was drinking the water.  "no, thank you, really water is fine and free.  i do not need a drink."  i am such a bore.  i know.  did i mention i have a boyfriend, please leave the table.  by this time, LD had moved on to greener pasture and bessie and i were left with big guns brandon.  he did have large muscles and was not afraid to flex them.  if it would not have been rude, i would have rolled my eyes in his face.  because i am not rude, i texted and watched the dueling pianos.  he mentioned that he was in the army, which was pretty obvious since his tattoo indicated as much and that he was here for a leave from afghanistan and that he would be going back in a week.  i did ask him if he enjoyed being in the military.  he said, "i like killing people."

really.  really?  and you think we are drooling because you just said that.  wow.  i think the military is such a noble profession and something that i could never do.  positive of that.  some of my very best friends husbands are in the military and everyday we should be thankful for the sacrifices they make for our country.  i am thankful,

but brandon.  dear.  come up with a better line.  after we looked at him blankly for about...i dunno...i again was distracted by rocky top that the duelers were now playing...he said, "i mean, i like killing bad people, not good people."  

thanks for clearing that up dude.

then he went on to tell bessie that her earrings were pulling her earlobes down too far.  that her earrings were too heavy.

thanks for clearing that up dude.

you better check yo' self fo' you wreck yo' self bessie, with those heavy earrings.

the situation.  was his bff.  who made fun of the situation all night long, but WAS in fact, the white version of the situation, jersey shore edition, complete with the pectoral muscles to prove it.  (or so he would like to think)  although, he was very evenly tanned and did have perfect dyed blond hair all spiked like complete with the tight light pink tshirt and white flip flops.  torn jeans, of course.  (did i even need to add that?)

white flip flops should be outlawed.  really, they should.

white.  plastic.  flip flops.  let's think about this.  how long will they be white?  enough said.

get black people.  cuter and much more economical.  get crazy, get brown and black.

while LD was asking about the flip flps in the nicest way possible (more on that later), the bleach blonde situation happened to rub up against my arm.

oops.  he needed to shave for he was prickly.  when i felt the prickly on my normal hairy arm, i took a closer look.  like leaned in for real, and yes, his arms were shaved.  and he was not a swimmer, pretty sure about that.

the white flip flops.  LD says, "so those flip flops are not going to be white long on beale street."  looking at her like her brain just hobbled across the floor, he says, "oh, i have seven or eight pair, just put um in the dishwasher and they are good as new."  

then why do you have seven or eight pair?

just stating the obvious, sir prickly sit-e-ation.

then brandon found out bessie had a boyfriend.  and between her earrings being too heavy and the boyfriend, the fellas moved two table over...

i feel sure they were not there long, because prickly was...growing more arm hair by the minute...and you gotsta keep up with yo' self if you are the prickly situation.  i am sure he had to shave and get rest for his early tanning appointment.

while his grey flip flops were being dishwashed and steamed dried back to white.

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