i shot a lady last night.

Brad and I were at the movies, going to see "how do you know." my friend, Jennifer, decided to come along as well. Needless to say, in my dream (and in real life) brad did not come willingly.

As we sat down I noticed a very thin lady with very long hair come in with, what I assumed, her son. He was carrying a very large crate of laundry supplies. So large that he was straining when he walked, he appeared to be about ten. Noticeable were tide, liquid downy and spray and wash all super sized. Because this is not a regular occurrence in the theatre, the lady caught brad, myself and my friend overtly staring. Upon seeing us, she kinda laughed under her breath and said, "well he insisted on carrying it all in."

Weird. But okay. No bother to us.

They chose the isle seats to the front left of us, probably mostly for somewhere to put their laundry supplies.

The movie began. We were into in. Brad, tolerating it. Not gonna lie, I was more into the kid, mom and laundry supplies.

A little bit into the movie, Jennifer got up to go to the restroom and get a snack, although just before she left she remembered she forgot her purse in the car. I handed her mine and told her to get whatever she needed.

As soon as she was out of the isle, the laundry kid came and sat right beside me. Uncomfortable, I said, "um, my friend was sitting there." as soon as I said that, in a moment the mom was there in the seat directly in front of us and had a gun in my face and laundry said, "give me your purse!" 
Let's remember, movie theatre dark. Movie still playing. Not a box office hit, so to say it wasn't crowded is generous.

Scared to death and perplexed I grab brads hand and say, "my friend has my purse." laundry says, "well get it." gun in the face still. No problem kid.

So I look to the back of the theatre and scream from my seat, "SOMEONE GET JENNIFER AND MY PURSE." seeming to forget that no one knew who "Jennifer" was or my handbag. Still, I was just hoping that someone would miraculously know Jennifer or recognize such a stylish handbag that only I would own. One or the other. And it needed to happen. Quickly. There's a gun at my head, folks.

As quick as I yelled for someone to get Jennifer, the movie theatre's house lights came on I noticed a large burly policeman holding Jennifer's arm gently in the back of the theatre. My purse dangling from her arm. and then heard someone yell, "she's not coming back in!"


Could you toss the freaking purse?

Gun. In. The. Head.

Laundry kids mom pushes the gun further into my head.

Scared. Going to die.

And in a split second, brad somehow karate chops the lady enough to get the gun out of her hand but it ends up in my lap.

I have the gun. Another gun appears from laundry lady, I point the gun at her.  Because I had never held a gun until this moment and had no idea how to even shoot the thing, I apparently look fierce enough and she and little laundry start to run. She is still pointing at me.

Why?  Me?

Do you not see all the other just as nice people in the theatre?

Frightened for my life and brads, (Screw Jennifer, she's safe with my purse. Probably having coffee with said police officer. Heck, probably had a doughnut by now.) I shoot the gun, praying with all my might I miss little laundry and only hit the moms shoulder which I was aiming. I had no intentions of killing anyone, just wanting to stop them.

I succeed.

I hit her twice (look at me AND my aim!) in the shoulder. She will recover fine, I am told, and have full use of her arm.

As the second bullet (overachiever, I know) goes in, Jennifer's cop is on me (bless him) and I am safe. he immediately rushes me out of the theatre into one of several waiting police cars.

Not wanting to leave Brad because I feel safest with him, I am still forced to go. The cops assure me that they just need to talk to me and I will be able to call Brad and be reunited with him as quickly as possible.

They ask me who the man was I was with, upset and in a tizzy I say, "my husband.  I mean boyfriend, well, really my fiancĂ©..." Frustrated with my answer, they say ask again, "I just don't know!" I say crying.

Look people. Just talk to me and let me tell you what happened and let me get back to my husband, boyfriend, fiance!

The cop(s) and I hash out the story and pretty soon after I arrive, the horror of my day has ended and I am reunited with Brad.

Never. Have I ever been more happy to see that man in my whole life.

The End.

(and THAT was my dream last night.  please feel sorry for me.)

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