nursing homes. scare me.

i know how nursing homes smell and here is why.  my mother loves them. 
when i was a little girl, my mother (and father, but he was not involved in the nursing home shenanigans)  was responsible for my well being, and since my brother was twelve years older than me, i was essentially an only child and needy so i was her constant companion.  (also a tad bit on the nosy side, so i could not and did not want to miss anything - especially the goings on at the nursing home.)
so we went to the nursing home. we went to the nursing home every saturday to visit.  we went on sundays if we missed a saturday.  sometimes we went twice in one day.  if we were bored and got an itchin' to do guessed it.  i was never bored.  we visited with deli.  we visited with nanny.  we visited with mam mam.  we visited with uncle tom.  we visited with strangers that became regulars on the visitin' train. we visited.  and visited.  and visited.  i got kissed a lot.  did i mention i got kissed a lot?  
i still have issues.
i have always said that my mama made friends with all the older folks, then helped them, visited them, loved on them, just so they would leave her something good in their will.  or if she was lucky, maybe they would give "it" to her early during one of those nursing home visits.  and she has been given some goods, but the material possessions she has been given have meant nothing to what she gave them.  she gave them me.  they hugged me.  they kissed me.  they pinched my cheeks. ugh.
that's a joke.
she gave them companionship and love.  she would sit for hours, minutes whatever was needed that day.  she would brush their hair if it needed brushing, she would fix their hair if it needed fixin'.  she would feed them if they needed feeding.  or just sit and talk to them.  and i was right there beside her.  wanting to leave the entire time.
tinny.  i still have dreams about her.  bless her.  tinny was really old.  really old.  could walk, even run, and was very mobile.  she was very hunchback from osteoperosis (drink your MILK!), her mind was failing, and she had something going on with her tongue.  it constantly licked out all the way beneath her chin -no exageration- all the time.  if tinny was awake, her tongue was going a thousand miles a minute.  a thousand miles a minute.  and then there's jessica.  sweet little innocent i-am-just-here-because-my-mama-loves-you-people jessica. tinny loved jessica.  she loved her on saturdays.  she loved her on sundays.  she loved her on the days in between. jessica was scared of tinny.
when we went to the nursing home, i would scale the wall as close as possible without touching it, with my mama on the other side, just hoping we would make it through the halls without her spotting me.  
yeah, that never happened.  
and my mama would always say, "it's okay, jessica.  just let her give you a little kiss." 
h-e-l-l-o mom. do you NOT see her tongue going a thousand miles a minute?  as if i wanted permission for tinny to kiss me, i would stand still long enough for her to do so.  
now that i am an adult, and have had two of my very best friends loose their grandmothers, with nursing home stays before they passed away.  sunday visits were frequent, and even some saturdays. nursing homes freak me out.  they still do.  the smell.  oh my goodness.  i am never gonna be comfortable at a nursing home. god bless the people that love on those sweet folks, and work with them daily. it is something i would never choose to do.  my mama could do it. my friend bess could do it.  give me one million dirty diapers in a row and i will change them with a smile on my face.  i am not even kidding.   give me two million.  oh heck, i'll take three. 
three million.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

jessica! i loved this! what vivid memories! i only wish that my memories were this clear in my mind. have i mentioned lately that I LOVE YOU!? really, i do! i am so proud of this blog and i have noting to do with it, but proud i am. thank you again for putting a smile on my face! maybe one day i might even get a mention.....kidding! no need to mention me....really i am scared that some weird psycho stalking story from college might end up on here one day.....DON'T DO THAT!

© Jessica Dukes of Morrison Lane. Powered by Donuts