stupid trash

when i was a girl (ah hahaha....i still am if you were wondering)! when i was a little girl, i was a pretty good child.  my parents told me that the bible said if you obeyed your parents you would live a long life.  they told me this because it was a fact, it is in there. but to me, i translated to mean...i didn't want to DIE, so i better obey.  and i did.
there was the occasional smarting off, and i was hateful to my mama as a teenager, she will be the first to tell you that.  i did have chores and did them mostly.  the whole trash thing really tripped me up. taking the trash out has never been one of my stronger life skills.  the one chore that i had to do on a consistent basis was take out the trash.  easy, yes.  no big deal, no.  
but i would not do it.  
i was not trying to be ugly, and not listen.  i would just forget. and after i forgot for a while, the trash would be all nasty (shocker, i know!) and then i would have to transfer the trash from a paper bag to a plastic garbage bag.  okay, this is what got to me, and still does.  why my mother thought and THINKS it is still a good idea to have a paper bag to collect trash in and then when it is full transfer it to a plastic bag...yeah, the transferring process is complicated and gross.
when you are seven, it is over the top.  i was seven.  so after months and months of this being my only chore and i did not do it, my kind daddy told me that if i did not start doing my chores i was gonna get a spankin'. 
oh lord.  i am gonna do it. 
 oh daddy, i will do it...
i did not do it.  i did not take the trash out and so finally one day my daddy told me that i had one more week and if i didn't do my chores (take out the trash) everyday without being told, i would be getting a spankin' at the end of the week.  the end of the week happened, and so did the spankin'.
i remember it like it was yesterday.  saturday morning as soon as i woke up he said, "jessica, you know what is gonna happen."  and i said, "yes, sir."  (and let me tell you the water works were coming on...maybe that would make the lickin' a little softer.) 
i braced myself for what i knew was not gonna be fun.  stupid trash.  then my daddy said, "you better go put some toilet paper in those panties."  i looked and him and he looked at me.
i went and put some toilet paper in my panties.  have i mentioned my daddy is most soft hearted man alive?  he got the wooden spoon and turned me over his knee and patted me lightly on the bottom.  i could not even feel it, after all i did have a couple of rolls of toilet paper in my strawberry shortcake panties.  
let me tell you, i cried like a baby.  i wailed.  i hollered.  
because if he wasn't smart enough to know that it didn't hurt, i sure wasn't gonna let on any different.
p.s.  i did start taking the trash out on a more regular basis.

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