dad, dementia and love. (and the best video EVER)

my intent last night when i sat down to write today's post was to give you an instagram dump and a run down of the week, because i know that is REALLY what you want. there were pictures of lil bit, my socks, new boots and probably 5648965 of brad. but i just wasn't feeling it, and then again this morning - i kept mulling (apple cider anyone?) in my head that i needed to do it, but then i couldn't find my cell phone.  still can't by the way... {praise the lord.  i love it when i loose that thing.}

so i decided what's better that to just write what is on my heart.

if you have been following my blog for a while, you know my dad has parkinson's disease. it's a mean, cruel disease and leaves the person in inhibits a prisoner in their own body. my dad has had this disease for almost thirty years. now he has dementia - which is even more cruel. it takes your mind and warps it onto something you are not even sometimes knowing what you are saying is not right, you still say it. sometimes my dad will say something crazy (for lack of a better word) and then look at my mom or myself and say, "am i confused again?"

last week, my parents made the one hour drive from clarksville to nashville to visit me. i made them lunch and we spent some time together. dad has always been a quiet man full of wisdom. my mom, on the other hand, is full of vibrance and can carry on a conversation with the best of them. it was weird last week though, it was kinda like the rules were changed, my dad never stopped talking.

never.  stopped. and most everything that came out of his mouth was a whisper in volume, he had a lot to say. and he never stopped. i was exhausted by the time they left. mainly because i was straining just to hear dad speak and since he never stopped speaking for hours, it was a chore. the other reason being that he said in his confused state "you can't hear.  you keep saying 'huh?'" i would explain to him that the reason i kept saying 'huh' was because he was speaking so quietly and that i could hear just fine! it was him that had the volume issue. and then i would get tickled because here is this man, my sweet daddy, that is accusing me of having the issue here. and then he would want to know why i was laughing at him. this happened times ten.

might as well laugh.

but as much as mom and i were entertained, as time passed, she was getting frazzled. frazzled because he would not just be. he would not be quiet and just be still.  he.  never.  stopped.  talking. my mom was tired, exhausted.  i could tell that he occasionally kinda hurt her feelings too. of course, he would never do that "in his right mind" and even though she knows more than anyone that most things coming out of his endless supply of words these days are that,  just words, i could still tell that some things he said bothered her.

my parents have always been two people to admire. but sitting there on that couch last week as i looked at them, i felt a whole new level of awe of them; but especially for my mother. because love is putting her to the test right now. the better and worse - worse has kicked in and she is passing with flying colors.  my brother and i are especially blessed to call her our mom, but dad is even more blessed that he chose her - nearly fifty years ago at that skating rink barefoot, a rebel with two cigarettes hanging out of her mouth - he saw her.  three months later they were married. and before i was born and since my birth i have watched their love story unfold.

one thing not to be confused about, my dad knew what he was doing when he chose my mom.  because he could not ask for a better wife, nurse and love to daily be by his side.

i'm proud of my mom. i love you.
and on a lighter note, a year ago today this happened.  make sure you turn the volume up so you can hear this nanny [me] go a little crazy in the background...i am saying through jealous envy "that IS NOT right..." as little bit takes her VERY FIRST steps to misser bwat.  seriously girl.  after all the time we spend together, this is what i get.


Ashley @ LaLuce said...

first of all you have a ridicously beautiful family! your little girls beautiful curls might just be the cutest thing ever! second, i love your blog! thank you so much for the kind words on my blog that led me to yours! your post was beautiful and heartfelt. glad to have "met" you.

Ashley said...

This post put tears in my eyes. Thanks for sharing. I think you did the right thing by writing about what's in your heart, it really helps sometimes. I'm sorry you have to see your Dad this way, but you're right...he's lucky to have a wonderful wife and kids!

jessica dukes said...

thank you ashley, good to meet you too. :-) glad we are friends. love me some bloggy friends.

ha, i just realized that only ashleys are commenting...

and to you ashley, thank you for my sweet comment. nashville weather is dreary and cold today, huh? ;-) so fun to have a local blogger friend!

Hilary said...

what a heart-felt and honest post! your mom is being tried for sure right now...but how wonderful that your parents' love is so strong. kudos to you too...dealing with difficult family issues is not for the faint. keep your head up! :)

Anonymous said...

This post had my crying.

I'm sorry for what you and yourFamily are going thru. I can only imagine....this must be so tough for your whole family. You are so write about this.

Nicole said...

Hey Dear. So sorry about your dad's health issues. That must be so tough. I just wanted to pass on that I shared a nutritional product with a man who had a horrible case of Parkinsons. He was dying. Immediately he began to see results and today he is still alive. If you are interested in hearing more about it, I would love to email you the info about Reliv.

Praying for your family. . .

Ashley said...

Oh my gosh, I can't handle all of the gloom. I hope tomorrow's a little nicer :)

P.s. I'm about to email you a little about a meetup!

Grace said...

you have such a beautiful family. Thanks so much for sharing and being so open. you are so encouraging and i'm hoping and praying for your family.

JeNeal said...

sorry about your dad, that must be hard! What a strong mom you have! && I love the video SUPER CUTE!!! xoxoxo

jessica dukes said...

thanks sweet girls.

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