gas, gum and drink kinda life.

do you remember when you first got your drivers license and the freedom you felt when you were finally on the road alone?  in your car, or your borrowed from the parents car, but all alone, all the responsibility in the world at you fingertips.  you could go wherever you wanted.  even if your parents thought you were going to youth group and had told you specifically TO GO to church and back home, just the thought of really, you could dive to anywhere, land and stay forever - kinda freedom.  and the fun and excitement that was riveted through your bones.  because finally you were sixteen and finally, an adult.

i remember that first day like it was yesterday.

i remember the feeling of overwhelming bliss when you needed gas and you stopped and filled 'er up and then went in to pay (i was sixteen a long time ago) and THEN got a pack of gum and a soda.  i mean, THERE WAS no better feeling in the world than having a FULL tank of gas, new gum and a drink.  hello, world you are my oyster kinda feeling.

i keep coming back to those days recently and have decided that i need more feelings like i just filled up my car with gas AND have new gum AND a drink.  and what i keep coming back to is, planting flowers and filling the pots with fresh dirt, and then placing the flowers just so with the colors that i have picked - then stepping back and looking at the flowers that i just planted gives me that world you are my oyster kinda feeling.

getting bird feeders and filling them up with seed and then every day watching the birds eat what i have provided, hoping they are filling up their bird bellies and going out and sitting in a nest all bird like with a happy belly.  then yelling at brad in his studio, "hey babe, come and look at this bird, i think it is an oriole!"  "jessica, that's not an oriole,.." as he saunters off.  and i shake my head because i know it is...  THAT is a world you are my oyster kinda feeling.

then just being.  my sixteen year old self would have never thought just sitting on the couch with no plans and doing nothing was a fill 'er up and i'll take some gum and a drink kinda feeling, but it so is.  recently brad and i have been watching the walking dead on demand and sometimes i just look over at him and think how did i go from that sixteen year old girl to this?  last night while we were watching tv, i said to him, "do you feel my love?  like do you feel my love more than anything else in the world?" he shook his head without taking his eyes off the screen.  "because i want you to, every day, every minute."  and he simply said, "i do."  

world you are my oyster, full tank of gas, gum and a drink...kinda moment.

that's the kind of life i want to live.

every day.  every moment.

what's your world you are my oyster kinda feeling?


Brooke said...

You're a really great writer.

jessica dukes said...

wow. Thanks Brooke, that's so sweet of you. Means a lot.

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