emily maynard has more than one boyfriend. (my recap of the bachelorette)

okay, we need to talk about maynard.  and her twenty five boyfriends.  and the fact that she is hot.  the guys can't seem to get over this fact.  i mean, they told her at ever turn.  i wanted to waltz in to the bachelor all chris harrison style and say, "WE GET IT.  SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!" moving on.  did they really think they were going to get an ugly duckling to find love, or like, someone normal looking.  yeah no.

guys, we all know that if it would not have been emily.  it would have been another beauty.

i like emily.  i think she's got class and i also think she's a good mama.  she seems normal and just an upstanding gal.  i follow her on twitter, so we are friends.  and she doesn't tweet much so that makes me  think she is spending all her time with little ricki, and i like that.  i hope she does find love.  just like all the other folks that have found their prince on this show........................  seriously, though, i hope she has trista sutter's luck and finds her happily ever after and gets that mini van full of babies.

the boys that got roses:
helicopter guy:  whose formal name is kalen.  
dude, did you really think you were gonna make friends or a great impression flying in in a helicopter?  because i mean, chris harrison didn't even arrive this way.  he is clearly a rich kid and is all about showing it.  he is going to be entertaining to watch, because the guys are going to hate him.
bring on the drama, i say!

ryan:  i immediately put a star by his name (maybe i should have put a rose...) because
1.  he works with kids.
2.  SEEMS normal.
3.  he's gotta dog
melt my heart like butta.

3.  tony:  he's gotta kid, and his wife cheated.  there's a story already that will woo emily in, and then he decided to put his cheese on and be prince charming when he met emily complete with the pillow and shoe.  and as much as i was like, "ohhh myyyy gosh, really??? stop. it." the shoe DID fit her, and she seemed to like it.  and i think she likes to be called a princess, so i think it might have worked.
if it would have been me being the bachelorette i would have taken one look at him getting out of the limo shoe and pillow in hand - and said, "that's a wrap!? really abc?" 

4.  charlie:   i want to call him chaaaaalie.  because he is precious.  he's nashville and i'm nashville and we like him.  except his suit was bad.  sorry charlie!  he also has a bulldog and that's just cute and he seems normal.  normal is sooooo good on this show.

5.  jeff:  he has david lynch hair, has a skateboard, looks like he is twelve (just like me!), he's from utah, and he owns a successful bottled water company.  michelle money is involved with his company and she says he is a great guy (via twitter, we are friends too...and i might have a girl crush on her...) - so even though he showed up to meet emily all marty mcfly like and what in the world?  we might like him.  i think emily likes him.  i think he might be a nerd.  and i like nerds.  go jeff!  but don't go as much as charlie.  we like chaaaaarlie.

6.  arie:  let's start with the obvious.  his mama was creative, because that's a great name.  and then there's the other obvious...this is gonna be the most dramatic storyline evaaaaa because he's a race car driver, and so was little ricki's dad, so that's gonna be tough for arie and emily.  but maybe they will race off together...  do you see it?  oh, i kinda do. 

charlie, you gonna need to get a better suit, because arie's about to lap you, dude.

7.  sean:  he sells insurance and doesn't really do much for me.  normal, and has a kinda boring name.  he can't help his name, i know.  but, just pointing out the obvious.  i like to do that.  his mama should have been friends with arie's mama, and maybe he could have been named something like michelangelo (said with an accent..)  yes.

8.  joe:  he's from LA, and boy is cheesy.  like i was embarrassed for him cheesy.  but cheesy sometimes means happy and happy is good and i did laugh and smile and i remembered him and he got a rose, so go joe.

9.  kyle:  he had a turquoise tie and that's emily's favorite color and then she told him he did good.  props to you kyle.

p.s.  i thought favorite colors were only allowed to be the colors of the rainbow and black and brown.  like real colors, the primaries.  i've always wanted turquoise to be my favorite color too, but i didn't think it was allowed.

10.  chris:  he said he was blessed.  good word.  because you are, chris.  he also told her he was nervous and then he had bobbleheads.  bobbleheads are awesome.  i have a michael jordan bobblehead and it's awesome.  and then emily made she and chris's bobbleheads kiss.  go bobblehead chris!  too bad chris doesn't know bobblehead chris kissed bobblehead emily.  he would REALLY feel blessed.

i've never written bobblehead more in my life.  the b's are tired on this keyboard.

11.  aaron:  he's smart and a biology teacher and gave her a great line about chemistry.  and he had cool glasses, but i don't get science so i probably won't get him.  but maybe emily will.

12.  aaaaliiiiisssssandrrrrrroooooooo.  i don't know how to spell his name so i just spelt it like he said it.  and he did say it kinda cool and all accent like.  and maybe that's because he's from bazil.  i mean, that's cool.  but he live in indianapolis now, that's a lot different than brazil.  well, it is.

13.  stevie:  bombox in hand (they still make those?) and dancing like his suit was on fiiire.  and he had a TERRIBLE green shirt.  i think we know what his favorite color is.

14.  nate:  she said he was cute as he walked away.  go nate.

15.  doug:  got the first impression rose and he wrote a letter to emily and said his kid did.  which melted emilys heart so she gave him the FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE.  i'm sure his kid wrote it, i was just being ugly.  and he seems normal.  two snaps for him.

16.  WOLF:  he's a destruction specialist and his friends call him wolf.  PICK HIM!
merry christmas!
wolf, emily and ricki
that's what i did when i met brad, signed our names together with our imaginary kids to see how it looked.  and it looked awesome.  just like wolf and emily.  heart, heart heart.

17.  travis:  guard and protect your heart i gotta a ostrich egg travis.  those boys are gonna be all over that egg trying to make it break.  and i can't wait to watch.  what if it hatched?  that would be awesome!  an egg is one thing, but what if you have to guard and protect an ostrich?  hope you are ready to be a daddy, travis.

18.  michael:  normal. rehab counseler and i liked him.  emily did too apparently.  'cause he gotta rose.

19.  alejandroooooooooooo:  he's from columbia and laid that accent on thick.  but he lives in san fran now, which is better than indianapolis.  actually, i don't know that, i haven't been to either.  

and i think it might just be the most dramatic season ever (we've never heard that before...)
at least we have a new mansion to check out the decor.

ALSO, why do i have 19 roses?  who am i missing?  give me his bio.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You're right with the 19 - she cut six. Weird, right? And I'm loving Charlie too. I also did a recap on my blog! Yippee!!


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