emily maynard picks jef AND sean.

i mean, i am picking them. for her.  oh, wait.  that can't happen!

brad says "i thought prague was a tad bit overrated." as the show opens.  i said, "i thought gatlinburg was too."  

ari - one on one 

date card lets czech out prague...

brad says "he's gonna check out something..."
emily is there to meet ari and she looks...beautiful.  thats odd.
hey blog readers...i look JUST like emily.  we are twins.  it's so weird.
i like emily - but girlfriend is being a little dramatic with the whole ari and cassie thing.  it was over ten years ago.  emily was fifteen then.  simma down, girl.
and then entrapment happens... emily!
(i just noticed chris harrison doesn't have his wedding ring on, that makes me sad.)
sometimes i think emily's hair looks orange.  brad pipes in "i think her hair looks fine to me."  no one asked you there, mister.

back at the house.
the boys are whining.  chris especially.
those boys like v neck shirts.
daddy doug's veins are popping, he must have just finished some pull ups.
john "wolf" gets the one on one on the date card and chris is dying inside.  at least, that's what he said.


back to ari-
me::  he doesn't love her.
brad::  he might.
me::  he doesn't love her!
brad.  something about her i bet he loves.
brad says her dress is very awful and it would look better on ari.

john (wolf) - one on one

he's got no chance, ari just told her he loves her.  womp womp.
brad:  "i would probably move in a little closer buddy."

the john lennon wall in prague

back at the house:

chris is going crazy.  boy needs to calm down.

back to john (wolf)-

that place is cool where they are having dinner, and i want to go there.  brad's been, how rude.

i like emily's hair pulled back, looks casual and easy. and not over done.

he might be over talking things.  brad says, "you might need to start striking the iron, buddy."

oh oh, he's going in for the kiss kiss.

hoooooooooowwwwwwwwwwl.

back at the house...aka chris.

the waaaaaambulance is one the way dude.  chill.  out.

wolf is telling the boys his date was awesome with a capitol A.  and he's leaving it at THAT.

sean has to find emily.  and after yelling her name throughout the entire city, he finds her in a LONG DARK HALLWAY thing...what a surprise...THAT wasn't planned AT ALL.

are they going to get mexican?  'cause i think that's a mexican restaurant.

make out session ensues.  

i think he would be a great husband.  i think he would be the best husband out of her choices there.

group date - chris, sean and doug

chris.  stop.  tha.  whining.

doug is talking to emily during the one on one time with his arms crossed...hmmmm.

doug is going home.  i think he just isn't ready to be on a reality show, but i think that he will be a good boyfriend to someone on real life.  that's my two cents.

things are looking good for sean here, because chris is LOOSING it.  

"chris is going to be kissing the reminants of seans saliva..." -brad dukes

{brad's out.  he can't handle anymore.  

he'll be back for the rose ceremony he says.}

chris is telling her he is going crazy.  but he's not going to dwell on it.  ugh, yeah...you are.

and then chris looses his mind as she pins the rose on sean.  and then he said frikkin' crazy.

jef - one on one

jef is kind, solid and sincere.  i mean, i don't know him.  but i think he might be.  good job, jef - buying little ricki a marionette.  okay, this date is PRECIOUS.  i'm making tshirts with TEAM JEF on them.  who wants one?

brad's back.  he can't stay away from emily ME.

just think if emily and jef had kids, there hair would be awesome!  jef and emily are sweet together.  i like them together.

rose ceremony time.

and chris continues to melt like frosty.

and now THE CHRIS tells the boys that there will be no cocktail party and chris starts to get teary eyes, starts to pace and ari and sean are like nanny nanny boo boo! not really, but you know they are like...keep on melting down, frosty.

wolf goes home. because chris pretty much begged for the rose, in my opinion.

at least he gets to leave in a really cool car.

next week:

we meet some family.

emily is struggling.

and....our DVR cut off.  boo.

emily picks her romeo.

how has helicopter made it thus far?

sean - one on one

he's happy and a good choice.  they will at the least have fun together.

-brad (my husband) says "maybe matt grant will be there."

-i bet wendy is jealous of this date.  cause girl has a crush on him.  remember wendy, em's bff?

-oh, oh...i think super nanny just drove by!

-i wanna go to england bad.  with brad.  can we go?

-sean just said "want me to carry this?" about her purse.  good boy dude.

-sean says this is the best date he's ever had.  you're in london, dude.

-brad's humming the kissed from a rose music...

helicopter is whining.  there's a shocker.

group date

-travis' sweater is too small.  and boy can butcher some shakespeare.

-"helicopter was born to play this role"...ugh, really?  then why aren't you an actor!?

-i can't help but laugh at/with ryan.  dude's ego is huge but he is hilarious.

-ari reads shakespeare like i do.  bless.  it. 

-thouist suck...hahahaha ari!

-ryan.  stop talking.  

-ryan got her a necklace at claires.  presh.

-"exhausted sick mother who has a child waiting at home..." helicopter just sealed his fate.

-it's about to get ugly.

-daddy doug is all over it.  get it.

-emily just said hood rat and backwoods in the same sentence.  ahhhhhhhhhhhhh love her.

-doug just turned into chris harrison.  you go taking charge.

-impressed with emily.  she handled that so well.  

-awwww snap.  he had to leave in a mini van.  not a chopper.  

-cue theatrics. 

jef - one on one

-i think jean has the hots for jef.

-little ricki is vintage louis vuitton baggage.  i want that baggage!  good job jef.

-"i want someone to share the details with..."  wow, jef i couldn't have said that better myself.

-jef is AWESOME.  i am a fan.

-and he kissed her.  oh love.  i love it.

oh the boys back at the house are on edge with ole 'copter leaving...

travis cracks me up.  he's funny, right?

whats up with ryans scarf?

headed home:

alejandro

p.s.  i loved emilys bracelet in the rose ceremony.

next week:

croatia

los of kissing

lots of boys picturing emily as their wife

someone is cocky

uh oh

emily cries and still looks hot

emily maynard: sweet is disposable.

-here are my notes from this weeks bachelorette.  they are really sound and smart.  and you won't want to miss a single word.  this is for sure.  i am also very sarcastic.  this is for sure as well.  

chris harrison looks all clean and dapper in his newly pressed purple plaid shirt with his sleeves rolled up.  i thought his collar was popped for a minute - then i realized i just was mistaken.  darn.

i think a 'dro had a headband on early on.  does he have an etsy shop?

arie - is funny.  and that date card he read was funny.

doug - one on one
-would you kiss your mother with that mouth, dougie?  or your son?
-total sweet mom move to write a postcard to dougs son.  i totally think that was emilys ideas and not the producers.  it was your idea, right emily?
-doug has big muscles or maybe his shirt is just to little?
-does emilys hair EVER get messed up, ever?  who's her stylist, i'm calling her tomorrow.
-emily wears her pajamas all day AND in public.  whatevs.
-she doesn't workout.  i hate her.
-doug never makes the first move?  there's a fault for ya, em.

group date:
-does chris remind you a little of guard and protect your heart kasey?  i think he does.
-ryans hair reminds me of a newborn babies.
-sean is just happy.  i like that guy.
-i like to hear travis talk.
-ryan just toasted his trophy wife?  really?
-arie is in it to win it in a good way.
-jef's kinda awesome.  i wanna drink his water.  (you know he owns a bottled water company)
he seems real, like really real.  like not reality show real.  like im just normal and real real.  got all that?
-did every guy get to snuggle with he white blankie?  presh.

let's talk about ryan again:
-you might be a redneck not very mature if you have to remind someone that you are mature.
-ryan is jesus, who knew?
-ryan thinks giving jef the rose is safe.  ugh, i think it's because she likes him MORE THAN YOU, dude.
-ryan is full of crap i do believe.
-ryan thinks he is going to be the next bachelor.  oy.

wolf and nate - two on one, never good.
-she called nate sweet.  brad (my husband), one of the first things i remember his saying is "sweet is disposable."
-ohhh snap.  five seconds later, he is gone.  brad was right.  i married a sweet smart man.

brad is singing in his best soprano i can love you like that...
seans happiness is contagious.  love it.
doug!!!  don't hang out with ryan!
chris is being a girl.  and imploding.  bless him.
someone called chris harrison christopher when he walked in the rose ceremony.  ha
charlie went home.  boo.

next week:

london

kisses with cameras

ryan kisses emily.  gag.

jef is cute.

someone calls ricki baggage and he becomes baggage 

on

a flight HOME.  

BAM.

check. it: review of the bachelorette

little ricki can do a mean cartwheel. man, i wish i could do that.

date card:

ryan - one on one date.  

"if you treat a woman like a queen, then she will treat you like a king"  good line ryan, good line ryan's pastor.  

commercial break: i like ryan.  he seems cool.  but what's up with his hair?

i like that the mom picks him up in the tahoe and then they go live real life (with cameras, of course...)  good job, ABC. now let's see if this boy can cook.  

good job ryan so far, being cool with everything. ahhh, he said "taken away on a jet..."  #fail

commercial break:  brad is fast forwarding.  i have no thoughts.  

i have to type really fast.  slow down DVR!

ryan is a cutie. emily is a hottie. girl can wear a dress. i think he is getting a rose, p.s. seems like there needs to be some music in the background or something during the conversation at dinner. i am not feeling it.  because what i feel counts or not. oh music, there you are. i am feeling better already. great question about little ricki, ryan! way to be assertive and asking the big questions about parenting. 

and then back at the house...

date card:

nate, tony, michael, john, jef, stevie, charlie, kyle, chris, aaron, kalen, and the two aleeeehando boys that are not going to make it to the end so there is no need for me to learn their names.

back to our date.

he gets a rose.  little kiss, and i am loving the southern banter between the two.  i would, i'm from clarksville, tennessee.  and then they dance to live music and whisper sweet nothings in front of a crowd of googling folks.  

commercial break:  good job, good date.  they like each other.  

and here comes some kalen trouble, like we didn't see that coming...

miss piggy's hair looks great, when are she and kermit going to make it official, i mean, COME ON.  i think jef is going to rock this date.  charlie is nervous, come on charlie...you are nashville...you have to represent.  i am feeling for the guy, poor fella.  good job charlie talking to emily about his insecurities and his speech troubles and way to handle it like a pro, emily. 

commercial break:  brad is telling me that he felt a burning pit in his stomach for a 

big mac earlier today.  and i am nodding.  i have never had a big mac.  

but i could go for a frosty about now. 

emily is hot.  i think we favor.  twins really.  thank god the muppets were on this date because the guys were strugglin...

jef just proposed to miss piggy.  crap.  i liked him for emily.

charlie is nervous but he did so good.  way to go, nashville.

emily really can't sing but is singing on national television, that takes some courage.  go girl.  and i like your pink skirt.

commercial break:  oh kalen.  

emily and jef have a talk.  he's a sweetie with david lynch hair.  but i like him.

date card:

joe with bad hair.

back to the date with thirteen fellas.  kalen just said, "its game time" yeah, helicopter dude.  game time probably isn't the best choice of words there, dude.  stevie doesn't like kalen and told him so.  the little boys are starting to fight.  oh snap.  

rose for the thirteen on one date goes to jef.  he's cool.  i wanna be his friend and i like his grey skinnies.  i need a pair of grey skinnies and green and hot pink...

date with joe:  

headed to west virginia.  not digging joe's outfit at all.  

back at the house:

kalen is about to get dunked because he is being a bully and the dads are gonna drown him. go dads. #checkit

commercial break:  brad is telling me he is going to start saying #checkit to me.  

this should turn out well. he's also reading over my shoulder.  dude, check.  it.

again, back at dinner with joe.  i think he might be going home.  i am really smart and never read reality steve.  never.  i feel bad about emily having to tell joe there's no rose on this date, that has to be hard.  it'll be okay joe, at least you are gonna be invited to all the reunion shows.  i think they have a reeeeeal good time at those.  emily had to watch the fireworks alone.  #checkit

rose ceremony time:  oh.my.gaaaa.  this takes sooooo long.  so long.

i'm not digging emily's dress.

arie and emily get a little one on one time in the swing.  he's a race car driver, remember?

ryan gives emily a gift.  he seems a little...hmmmm, i dunno.  you see it too?  a seven page letter?  seven pages?  not necessary. tony has to listen to ryan gush.  #awkward #checkit

i like emily's earrings.  green is my favorite color.

brad told me i should get emily's bathing suit from her date with joe.  i laughed out loud.

OH KALEN.  are you outside alone whining.  cry me a flipping river.  call the waaaambulance. or better yet  - #checkit  

f.i.n.a.l.l.y.  chris harrison.  never been so happy to see that guy in all my life.  

headed home:

aaron - the biology teacher.  no chemistry with emily.

kyle - its okay.  at least you got let go early, dude.  bachelor reunion shows.  remember?

next week:

arie, dolly, chris, emily says ain't,

the egg breaks, a dad is sad.

and i'll be watching.

emily maynard has more than one boyfriend. (my recap of the bachelorette)

okay, we need to talk about maynard.  and her twenty five boyfriends.  and the fact that she is hot.  the guys can't seem to get over this fact.  i mean, they told her at ever turn.  i wanted to waltz in to the bachelor all chris harrison style and say, "WE GET IT.  SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!" moving on.  did they really think they were going to get an ugly duckling to find love, or like, someone normal looking.  yeah no.

guys, we all know that if it would not have been emily.  it would have been another beauty.

i like emily.  i think she's got class and i also think she's a good mama.  she seems normal and just an upstanding gal.  i follow her on twitter, so we are friends.  and she doesn't tweet much so that makes me  think she is spending all her time with little ricki, and i like that.  i hope she does find love.  just like all the other folks that have found their prince on this show........................  seriously, though, i hope she has trista sutter's luck and finds her happily ever after and gets that mini van full of babies.

the boys that got roses:
helicopter guy:  whose formal name is kalen.  
dude, did you really think you were gonna make friends or a great impression flying in in a helicopter?  because i mean, chris harrison didn't even arrive this way.  he is clearly a rich kid and is all about showing it.  he is going to be entertaining to watch, because the guys are going to hate him.
bring on the drama, i say!

ryan:  i immediately put a star by his name (maybe i should have put a rose...) because
1.  he works with kids.
2.  SEEMS normal.
3.  he's gotta dog
melt my heart like butta.

3.  tony:  he's gotta kid, and his wife cheated.  there's a story already that will woo emily in, and then he decided to put his cheese on and be prince charming when he met emily complete with the pillow and shoe.  and as much as i was like, "ohhh myyyy gosh, really??? stop. it." the shoe DID fit her, and she seemed to like it.  and i think she likes to be called a princess, so i think it might have worked.
if it would have been me being the bachelorette i would have taken one look at him getting out of the limo shoe and pillow in hand - and said, "that's a wrap!? really abc?" 


4.  charlie:   i want to call him chaaaaalie.  because he is precious.  he's nashville and i'm nashville and we like him.  except his suit was bad.  sorry charlie!  he also has a bulldog and that's just cute and he seems normal.  normal is sooooo good on this show.

5.  jeff:  he has david lynch hair, has a skateboard, looks like he is twelve (just like me!), he's from utah, and he owns a successful bottled water company.  michelle money is involved with his company and she says he is a great guy (via twitter, we are friends too...and i might have a girl crush on her...) - so even though he showed up to meet emily all marty mcfly like and what in the world?  we might like him.  i think emily likes him.  i think he might be a nerd.  and i like nerds.  go jeff!  but don't go as much as charlie.  we like chaaaaarlie.

6.  arie:  let's start with the obvious.  his mama was creative, because that's a great name.  and then there's the other obvious...this is gonna be the most dramatic storyline evaaaaa because he's a race car driver, and so was little ricki's dad, so that's gonna be tough for arie and emily.  but maybe they will race off together...  do you see it?  oh, i kinda do. 

charlie, you gonna need to get a better suit, because arie's about to lap you, dude.

7.  sean:  he sells insurance and doesn't really do much for me.  normal, and has a kinda boring name.  he can't help his name, i know.  but, just pointing out the obvious.  i like to do that.  his mama should have been friends with arie's mama, and maybe he could have been named something like michelangelo (said with an accent..)  yes.

8.  joe:  he's from LA, and boy is cheesy.  like i was embarrassed for him cheesy.  but cheesy sometimes means happy and happy is good and i did laugh and smile and i remembered him and he got a rose, so go joe.

9.  kyle:  he had a turquoise tie and that's emily's favorite color and then she told him he did good.  props to you kyle.

p.s.  i thought favorite colors were only allowed to be the colors of the rainbow and black and brown.  like real colors, the primaries.  i've always wanted turquoise to be my favorite color too, but i didn't think it was allowed.


10.  chris:  he said he was blessed.  good word.  because you are, chris.  he also told her he was nervous and then he had bobbleheads.  bobbleheads are awesome.  i have a michael jordan bobblehead and it's awesome.  and then emily made she and chris's bobbleheads kiss.  go bobblehead chris!  too bad chris doesn't know bobblehead chris kissed bobblehead emily.  he would REALLY feel blessed.

i've never written bobblehead more in my life.  the b's are tired on this keyboard.


11.  aaron:  he's smart and a biology teacher and gave her a great line about chemistry.  and he had cool glasses, but i don't get science so i probably won't get him.  but maybe emily will.

12.  aaaaliiiiisssssandrrrrrroooooooo.  i don't know how to spell his name so i just spelt it like he said it.  and he did say it kinda cool and all accent like.  and maybe that's because he's from bazil.  i mean, that's cool.  but he live in indianapolis now, that's a lot different than brazil.  well, it is.


13.  stevie:  bombox in hand (they still make those?) and dancing like his suit was on fiiire.  and he had a TERRIBLE green shirt.  i think we know what his favorite color is.


14.  nate:  she said he was cute as he walked away.  go nate.

15.  doug:  got the first impression rose and he wrote a letter to emily and said his kid did.  which melted emilys heart so she gave him the FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE.  i'm sure his kid wrote it, i was just being ugly.  and he seems normal.  two snaps for him.

16.  WOLF:  he's a destruction specialist and his friends call him wolf.  PICK HIM!

merry christmas!

love, 

wolf, emily and ricki

that's what i did when i met brad, signed our names together with our imaginary kids to see how it looked.  and it looked awesome.  just like wolf and emily.  heart, heart heart.

17.  travis:  guard and protect your heart i gotta a ostrich egg travis.  those boys are gonna be all over that egg trying to make it break.  and i can't wait to watch.  what if it hatched?  that would be awesome!  an egg is one thing, but what if you have to guard and protect an ostrich?  hope you are ready to be a daddy, travis.

18.  michael:  normal. rehab counseler and i liked him.  emily did too apparently.  'cause he gotta rose.

19.  alejandroooooooooooo:  he's from columbia and laid that accent on thick.  but he lives in san fran now, which is better than indianapolis.  actually, i don't know that, i haven't been to either.  

and i think it might just be the most dramatic season ever (we've never heard that before...)

at least we have a new mansion to check out the decor.

ALSO, why do i have 19 roses?  who am i missing?  give me his bio.