the bachelor: sleeper episode

tonight's bachelor was a loooooooooooooooong two hours.  i really think our bachelor viewing party should have watched it on about a forty minute delay so we could have only wasted a little over an hour of our time verses the two that we dedicated to brad and his gals.  but that's just my opinion...

vampire girl ended up surprising us all with the class and grace of a woman and left before she left her dignity, but not before she took out her fangs.  i really liked her miranda lambert look alike self, she seemed to be a cool gal.  i think brad was kinda glad to see her go though, one less gal to get kissed by a rose...

shew...thank goodness seal came in and took his song back.

and what is happening to this show?  we all know there are shrinks that are behind the scenes counseling these gals and brad, but no one wants to see them do their job on the show!  i mean, we watch for the crazies, not for the mentally sound.  i am really hoping that michelle was the next appointment after brad because i do believe she needs a couch to lie on...because girlfriend is going crazy fast.  and brad likes her!  again, this is why we will tune in next week.

my conclusions after three intense weeks:
-the moms are HOT, but one is crazy.
-to be on the show this season, you have to have dad issues.
-brad likes brunettes, except emily.  but she would be lovely with any color hair.
-emily will be the next bachelor.
-michelle will punch herself next week to have a black eye...

oh, i can hardly wait!

the bachelor: it's michelle's birthday, y'all.

this just in...last nights episode was recorded on michelle's 30th birthday. and good thing brad swam right up to her and handed her that rose in her itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini - or she might just have drowned herself then and there. 

now that would have made it the most dramatic season yet, thank you chris harrison.

also, manscaper. honey. put those things away. i mean the saying does say, "if you got em, flaunt em...but you were almost pulling a janet Jackson superbowl 2004 moment several times.  and that would have been embarrassing. 

and melissa, maybe if you would have not talked so much and stirred the pot so much you would have a rose. and we know, we know, we know...you quit your job and spent a lot of money on clothes. 


we know. 


you told us about as many times as michelle mentioned it was her birthday. well, not quite but almost. here's the bright side, now you have a lot of free time and some really awesome clothes, so here's to you!   but i gotta hand it to ya, you left with dignity. i was surprised, there was no drama or anything. 

keltie - you are precious. from your wardrobe to your rap. just all around awesome. why brad let you go, i just don't know. (why brad let you go, i just don't know...look at me...i can rap too!  holla!)  but he's seen the tape now and he's kicking himself for not giving you an extra week. because, you are cool. and yes, you keep to kickin' because some guy is gonna snatch you up.  don't loose heart.

and lastly, girls!  i almost didn't recognize you all in normal clothes!  i mean, you should never judge a book by it's cover but...last week...the dresses.  i felt like it was 1994 and i was looking for prom dresses.  except i never looked at prom dresses or went to prom, or even had a prom for that matter.  


still.

i will not have you, like, obstruct the rest of my night.

- manscaper.

p.s.  as a life long bachelor devotee, if you create drama and bring it to brad or whomever is the chosen male of the episode.  you gonna go home.  happens every time.  so save yo' drama for ya' mama, especially if you want that final rose.

sometimes you can get a whole dozen at wal-mart though for $12.99, so remember that.  because, let's be honest i would not have gotten up at the crack of dawn to write this bad boy had there been no drama on last nights show?

so here's to you.  melissa.  manscaper.  

and michelle, i heard it was your birthday.  happy birthday.

the bachelor, monday nights just got better.

so i realize that usually my blogs are deep, down to heart of the matter - thought evoking, life changing non-fiction stories about growing up morrison lane and there after, but today we are going to have to deviate from the norm and go all BACHELOR.

i have only done this once before and it went so well and reeled you in - i thought you might want to go there again.  and you did.  so i did.

you are welcome.

so IT premiered tonight, the bachelor.  and we were ready with our root beer and lemonade on pins and needles watching the clock strike seven.

and then it began.  and brad womack (not be confused with my brad) told us that he had commitment issues, he had a horrible dad and that he had been in intensive therapy for a "long, long time."  his therapist was even interviewed.

so i say, "girls, lighten up on the guy already!"

after all, i was a fan from long ago when he was the bachelor and in the end picked no one.  he did not want to spend his life with either girl. scared or commitment issues aside, he made a wise choice.  he did not promise a girl the world just because he was at the point where he was suppose to do that.  he took the high road.  which made him "the most hated man in america."

really?  don't we feel like that's a weeeee bit dramatic?

the most HATED man.  really?

this is where i should have thrown in my hat and said, "no more, i shall only watch the history channel and HGTV for this is utterly embarrassing that i spend two hours every monday night watching the most dramatic season yet unfold."

but then, every season it starts a new, and there i am indian style on the couch watching and waiting for the roses to be handed out to each and every gal that the bachelor deems worthy of another week.  and not only am i there watching, but now i am committing a whole entire blog post to the guy.  at least i don't have commitment issues.  look at me go.

there are two girls on the show this season that i might have a crush on.  like they are the prettiest girls i have ever seen.  like i kept checking in with (my) brad "you think they are hot, right?"  just making sure he has a pulse, because if you were alive and breathing you would think that these gals were p.r.e.t.t.y.  like really really.

and then there was a vampire too.

and he gave her a rose.

what's this world coming to?

vampires are getting roses on the bachelor and i am blogging about it.

gotta go, i need to go rewind the dvr so i can memorize their names.

until next tuesday...

oh lord.