here i am again.

i've struggled with weight my entire life.  (ugh, there i said it) i know more about nutrition, diets, eating right, healthy weight, incentives, the list goes one because my entire has been my life.  
i have ran a half-marathon.  i have trained hard for that half-marathon. and i have felt the feeling of crossing that finish line.  the feeling of having legs that feel like they might just turn into spaghetti with one more step.  but better, the feeling that you just ran 13.1 miles and no one can take that away.  and even better, knowing that to run that far means that you have to be in good good shape.  
i have been there.  

now i am here.  here where i need to loose weight again.  it's the most frustrating thing. ever.  if you have ever been in my shoes, you totally understand.  
it.  is.  so.  frustrating.  

i have always always let it hold me back.  i know for a fact that my chosen profession was mostly determined because i knew that children and families that you care for are going to love you no matter what.  and if i wasn't a super model or even just "normal" weight, the love is unconditional.  when i met brad, i was at my smallest weight to date.  and i am pretty confident god is in the details.  details like he knew that i would have never ever even dreamed that brad could have been interested in me if i looked like i see myself.  
like i still see myself today.

but this year, i have decided i have to get it together for once and for all.  i have got to let weight stop defining me.  i have got to stop hiding behind it.  i am worth more than that.

so i am doing it again.  only this time for good.  i know it.  i don't want to have to write another post like this.  i want to write another post telling you that i did it.  
that i am proud of who i am.  
proud of what i look like.
i want to be pretty.  
to feel pretty.
Source: via Beth on Pinterest

on the way home from new years, when brad, bessie and myself went on a little ski trip where we didn't ski...bessie and i talked and talked and talked til we came up with this plan.  

with the help of the fitness pal app on our iphones, we were going to track our intake daily.  (do you have the fitness pal app, have you heard of it?  it is awesome.) and keep each other accountable.  
i need that.  
i have always done it alone.
because with my weight comes guilt and shame.
so i force myself to feel really alone.

and we decided to make it a game (kinda).

here are the rules:
we have to workout five days a week.  no excuses.  five days.
we have to record all of our food on the fitness pal app.
{we can see each others progress this way}
oh crap.

then {the good good stuff to keep us going...}
after four weeks if we both did our part (eating right and working out our five days) we get a reward.  
if one of us messes up and doesn't do our part, then neither of us get the reward...
bessie better get to the gym.  thats all i'm saying. 

rewards thus far:
january - arrington vineyards afternoon
february - facial/body treatment we wound't normally do.
march - new workout outfit (helloooo lululemon!)
{and i think we will just repeat these to some degree after march}

i am so excited about march, not gonna lie.  

my body is starting to feel the results too.  not only has the gym become a habit again, but it is so fun entering and keeping track of the food i eat and then watch as the scales cooperate with the plan.  so i'm a little OCD...

i have a personal goal (and it's a secret) that i want to be at by august. 
if i get there, trust gonna know.
if i get there?
oh, i am sooo gonna get there.

so here's to me?  yes, me.  
and that's okay.  
because gosh darn it, i am worth it.
(did you see the SNL when michael jordan had to look in the mirror and say "and gosh darn it, people like me?"  ohhhhhhh my lord, it was hilarious. and just like that i am completely off track...)

help a sister out.  tell me what you do to stay on track.
download the fitness pal app and let's be friends.
i'm jessicamorrison on there.  

happy thursday, my favorite friends.


meg said...

thanks for sharing!! sounds like a great plan :) i'm currently up about 25 pounds since i'm pregnant... so i need inspiration/motivation for after baby and losing all of my weight/getting back into shape! i, too, have run a half marathon and it gives me encouragement knowing that i can do what seems "impossible". you can too! look forward to following your journey :)

jessica dukes said...

i like how you said you are up 25 are PREGGO! you are supposed to be UP silly!
well, i will cheer you on when that baby weight needs to come off! when are you due?

Lisa said...

YOU CAN DO IT! But, I think you're beautiful regardless. :)

Danielle said...

WOO HOO!! You go, girl! I know you can do it! I love that you and your friend are keeping each other accountable, that is so smart!! I'm so excited for you and can't wait to see your progress!!

jessica dukes said...

I've lost 7.5 lbs so far girls! Thanks for the comments and encouragement. :-)

Daydream Believer said...

I really needed this inspiration!

Bessie said...

So excited about being a part of this with you! It's going to be great!

Ashley said...

I was just taking a bath and sitting there thinking how I really need to get it together this year and keep the weight off. Like you, I have yo yo ed back and forth a lot and right now I am up at least 20 pounds higher than what I want and should be at. I know that I can do it I just need to hold myself accountable. I have had the myfitness pal app before and it worked wonders with me. I was just thinking that I need to start using it again. We should hep motivate eachother!

jessica dukes said...

ashley, friend request me on there..i am a great motivator! im jessicamorrison on there. :-)

Jamie said...

You can do it. Yo have a great attitude!

Someone In Mind said...

SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! I'm excited that you get to have a baby soon! It is such an awesome journey. And I'm 35 too!!! I really hope to be able to try for another one right before 40, but I will have to wait and see if it is in the cards. Can't wait to watch your journey. And this stupid weight thing? WE'VE GOT THIS. Let's support each other!

Makin Memories Of Us said...

This sounds a lot like my story (you can read it here - ) It's definitely a struggle but so worth it. I lost weight, gained it ALL back plus more and finally lost it (PLUS MORE!) last year... and still working on it.

I'm not certified in anything, but Ive done a lot of research and if you need help with anything, I'll gladly be there! New follower by the way.

Karly said...

This is such a great, inspiring post! And I had no idea you could be friends with other people on that app, because that is what I NEED! Accountability! I am so downloading that app in three, two...

jessica dukes said...

Girls girls girls. Really you rock. This is why blogging is so great. You just can't feel alone. :-)

And yeah this silly weight thing and self image thing. We've got this.

:-) karly we are friends now on the fitness pal app. We are sooo keeping each other accountable!

Lauren said...

Left you some love on my blog today....stop by.

Julie said...

Accountability partners make a HUGE difference! We all need support. I wish you all the luck in the world on your path to happiness!

Alyssa said...

Love all of this motivation! I've struggled with my wieght since the 6th grade and it is so discouraging some days!

Earl-Leigh said...

I have the app, but I'm horrible about using it. Its like I try to trick myself into thinking that if I don't account for the cupcake, it didn't exist. I know, i know. Definitely looking you up! (carolinasudduth)

Brooke said...

This is so inspirational. I need to lose weight because I feel better and am in a better mood when I'm in a better shape.

And thank you for stopping by my blog. I'm a new follower now :)


melanie said...

girllll i feel you. i struggle with the same thing :/

Nicole said...

way to go girl. i have seriously been reminding myself this year that i can't do anything about the past or make changes for the future. i can only do something today.

which reminds me i must go running today with sister. :)


JeNeal said...

i wanna play!!!! i am getting that app and doing it with you!!! You are awesome i love it!!! Oh did u hear?? Hubby is letting me do two bloggy conf. so NYC here i come! i cannot wait to meet you!!!!! xoxoxo

Danielle and Trev said...

Love!! This is probably the most real, motivational weight loss post I've ever read. I love that app by the way. It rocks. So easy and clean. My best workout strategy is that I always plan when I will do my workout the night before. That way, it's just in the day's plan instead of deciding throughout the day whether I will go. If you planned it, you'll do it! And never once have I regretted a workout. Good Luck!! Can't wait to follow!

jessica dukes said...

girls, girls, girls. thank you again for the sweet comments! you motivate me more that i am already. and now some of us are friends on the app, so thats'a added pressure to make ya proud (and me!) i got this...with your help. i will giv you all a weekly update on my preogress, promise. i have a road in front of me, but i feel very empowered this time. :-) woo hoo. here;s to being a girl!!! hip hip!

Tammy @ Lemons, Avocados, and the Bay said...

Oh lady I know how it is!! My weight has gone up and down my entire life too, but wait everyone is saying your pregnant hehe. Aren't you supposed to be gaining weight? =P ... Good luck with your journey

Also following you now too!

© Jessica Dukes of Morrison Lane. Powered by Donuts