this may challenge is almost over, and my fingers are tired. i think i may have gotten my blog mo-jo back though, if there is such a thing.
today's prompt was react to this term: letting go.
previous to last april this might stumped me. but then the joys of early april came and the sorrow of late april went and i learned about letting go more than i ever wanted. sure i had to "let go" of that dream to meet that perfect guy, finish college, get married the day after, have ten kids by the time i was thirty...a long time ago, but that was not reality in the first place.
the reality i was faced with when the nurse called me and said, "well, you are still pregnant but you are miscarrying your baby..." made me let go. it forced what was rightfully mine out of my grasp. letting go. i had to let go of that dream, that although i only knew that baby in my tummy a short time, of what s/he would look like, that dream of what they would become...so many dreams. demolished.
but in letting go i remembered that joy comes in the morning.
Hold on my child joy comes in the morning
Weeping only last for the night
Hold on my child Joy comes in the morning
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight
and you know what? eventually it did.
*song lyrics by bill gaither (my daddy would be so proud)
4 comments:
Consider this a hug from one mama of a lost pea to another. Those are some of the hardest words to hear and some of the sweetest visions to lose. I'm glad that you were able to let go, because whether it's as imagined or in a whole other way, great things are yet to come. <3
thank you christina! such wonderful words. :-)
our loss was dec 15...our first christmas as a married couple...at the first dr visit i was told you're pregnant but you're losing the baby...two firsts...christmas together and the loss of our child...he is waiting...on the portals of tomorrow where no tear stains the streets of gold and no sorrow holds tribute to what might have been...he waits, watching, content to be with others who have snuggled beneath a mother's heart for just a short time...but i know he waits...and i will see him for the first time and i will know him because he waits for me...God uses pain to hollow out our heart so that in time it can be filled with more Joy. while my Joy is full...i wait to see the one who sees me and his brother and sisters and their kids..wendi in her wisdom named him samuel when she was only 5 after we read about hannah and the child she gave to God...i wait...expectantly...patiently..there is much life to be lived yet on this spinning globe...so i wait...love you j&b...sharman
love you too. thanks for telling me that. jessica :-)
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