joy comes in the morning.

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this may challenge is almost over, and my fingers are tired.  i think i may have gotten my blog mo-jo back though, if there is such a thing.
today's prompt was react to this term:  letting go.

previous to last april this might stumped me.  but then the joys of early april came and the sorrow of late april went and i learned about letting go more than i ever wanted. sure i had to "let go" of that dream to meet that perfect guy, finish college, get married the day after, have ten kids by the time i was thirty...a long time ago, but that was not reality in the first place.

the reality i was faced with when the nurse called me and said, "well, you are still pregnant but you are miscarrying your baby..." made me let go.  it forced what was rightfully mine out of my grasp. letting go.  i had to let go of that dream, that although i only knew that baby in my tummy a short time, of what s/he would look like, that dream of what they would become...so many dreams.  demolished.

but in letting go i remembered that joy comes in the morning.

Hold on my child joy comes in the morning
Weeping only last for the night
Hold on my child Joy comes in the morning
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight

and you know what?  eventually it did.


*song lyrics by bill gaither (my daddy would be so proud)

all about peggy!

if you read this post, you know last april and the months to follow were hard.  we lived a lot of life last april.

funny how life is sometimes though?

in june after that may, after dog sitting for a poodle for some friends and falling in love (with that dog, WE were already in love.  kiss kiss, love love), we decided it may be our turn at dog ownership.  brad wasn't exactly sold, we loved the dog we had for a month or so, but did we really want a pup?

i knew we needed a dog. one day while carousing on facebook (one of my PET PEEVES is hearing people saying or having facebook conversations aloud, anyway.) i saw this little ugly black poodle on facebook marketplace.  the picture wasn't great, but she looked just like the little poodle we had dogsat. i get really obsessive and excited about things.
you knew this?
and immediately contacted the owner of this pup and asked if she was still available.  she was.
i emailed brad in a hot mess panic and told him i had to work that evening, but he needed to go see her.

see how that works...? 

he needed to go see her. i knew we would go to bed that night having a dogter.

that was june. this was last week.

peggy has completely stolen our heart, if you hang around on my instagram you see her often.  she is the best girl ever.  she's just chill and loves love.  and we love loving on our girl.

we often talk about how god really just brought her into our lives because he knew we were still a little sad and we needed her in our family.  we did need her.  and every day when she wakes up on the pillow on her back right between us, there's no way not to start your day happy.

woof, woof, bark, bark,
jessica

on being kind.

day 8 of the blog every day in may challenge is a piece of advice you have for others.  

my piece of advise for you is...be kind.

love one another well.  think before you speak.  and always remember you never know what someone is going through, or what is going on in their lives.  being kids just may save someones life.  after all, it's not hard to be kind.

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Jillene@inkhappi.com on Pinterest

just last week as i was able to get back on the treadmill for the first time in two weeks, i wrote about that here, i was moving slow, walking slow just trying to get in the groove and i thought to myself, i needed to be more aware and more kind...even in my thought process.  because USUALLY when i am at the YMCA i am BUSTING it because i know i have a long way to go.  if i see someone who appears healthy moving slow, walking slow on the treadmill, machines, whatever, i always THINK 'they really need to bump it up...i mean COME ON.'  and then last week as i was walking at a steady slow almost fast pace, i thought to myself.  YOU ARE THAT PERSON JESSICA.  

be kinder.  

in your thoughts.

in your actions.

amanda, you inspire me.

well, moving on to day five of the challenge! and i haven't missed a beat.  and it's sunday y'all and i am blogging.  it's like a sabbath miracle!!! we won't talk about how...i showed up three days late to this party and had to play catch-up.  and let's just hope that i stay on time or ahead.  

good for you, great for me.

today was hard for me, i have a lot of good friends around me, and some great blog friends that inspire me, as well. but after thinking about it for a while, i kept coming back to amanda.  she blogs over at thecelises.blogspot.com and honestly, all i have to do is type a "t" in my search box on my computer and her blog address appears.  here's what she looks like, and that guy hanging all over her, is her husband, danny.  we like him too.

they just became new parents to sweet arlo, who's a month old now and is the cutest thing ever with a full head of hair.  really, you should check him out.  if you love some squishy new babyness, he's your guy.

amanda and danny have a story that really touched my heart.  after three miscarriages, one being arlo's twin, she finally carried sweet arlo to term and blogged all about her pregnancy growing sweet arlo,   using humor and laughter all along the way. and although their story has been anything but easy up to this point with three losses, you can't help but think arlo is one special little boy to be born to amanda and danny.  

also, girlfriend can decorate a nursery like no other.  

so amanda, you inspire me.  

for never giving up.  

and pressing on...even when it was so so hard.

go check her blog out and tell her i sent you and while you are there, you WILL NOT be able to help yourself as you ooohhhh-ahhhhh all over baby arlo and his sweet little face.

and also, how awesome is arlo's name?  i mean, COME ON.

her blog:  www.thecelises.blogspot.com

*who inspires you?  there are so many others i could name, i really wanted to do a top five blog list, but i think that's another day...and i am a rule follower to my core.  i'm that exciting folks.  for real.

recap of the week on morrison lane.

+ + + monday, after all the sadness in boston, i found this picture on pinterest of boston all lit up.  what a wonderful reminder than in the darkest moments a light still shines.

+ + + i wrote about hope in dark times.  {and i have hope}

+ + + then there was our new york trip recap, the memory of spending the night in the airport might be one of my favorites yet.

+ + + then i had a run-on blog about my dad, ashleyannphotography.com, gardening and juicing for 15 days. four things that make me happy.  i haven't actually started the juice cleanse though.  get back with me on that.

+ + + friday, i showed you snippets into my instagram account.  it's always a good time over there, wanna join me? you can find my feed at morrisonlane.

boston and west, texas --- you're still in our prayers and on our hearts.

between you and me?

as i write this today, i'm not sure if it will ever get posted, but i need to write.

last april, in the cusp of my hand a dream became a reality. i was pregnant.  something i had prayed, dreamed and longed for my whole life had become true.  i was going to be a mother.  someones mom.  brad was going to be a dad.  a daddy.

and then as quick as that, my dream, our dream was shattered when i found out that i was miscarrying our baby.  a baby that would have been born last december, would have looked like brad and been ours.  i can not express to you the feeling i felt that day, the weekend following and the days and weeks after knowing that my body had failed me.  i never will forget one of the more defining moments in my life on sunday night, the weekend coming to an end, darkness.  saturday i had went through the motions and was okay, but then sunday night, as i took off my clothes and stepped in the shower naked, i suddenly became so aware of the fact that my body would not be changing.  i would not get a belly.  nothing.  i was empty.  brad heard me weeping and came in and asked if i was okay, and i was.  i just needed to mourn our loss one last time as the water cleansed my body.

that was last april.  a year ago.

tuesday i am going in for surgery to fix what is broken.  and hopefully, soon after that, this mamas heart will be a mother.  i have mothered more children than i can count; and am ready for it to be my turn.  for it to be our turn.

Source: abeautifulrippleeffect.com via Emma on Pinterest

when i think about the process.  a baby growing in my belly.  brad freaking out at delivery and needed a IV of coffee to keep him stable while i am assuring him it will be okay.  makes me smile, makes me laugh.  then seeing him holding our OUR bundle of joy, and then taking pictures of our little family... (we will have to find a way to sneak peggy in the hospital) it fills my heart with joy.

what i know for sure.

i have hope.

Source: Uploaded by user via Pugster Jewelry on Pinterest

i have hope still.  hope that it will be my turn soon, whatever that looks like. and that our turn at being parents is just around the bend.

i'm thankful for my husband,
great friends,
my job,
good doctors,
finally finding the right doctor,
and for this year of pain, growth and healing.

will you pray for me on tuesday?  pray for my surgeons hands - that they will be guided brilliantly to find and repair and make my insides good as new and ready to carry a child.

thanks friends.  i needed to get that out.

(boston:  runners, friends and family, your city.  you are in my prayers)