noah row your boat a shore...

this weekend it rained. and then it rained some more.  

and then...

some more.

i had the kids (that i nanny) from thursday to sunday because their parents took a little adult road trip. saturday after the soccer game was cancelled because of the downpours, we decided to load up and go to toys r' us.  

here's the thing about being the nanny.  fun all the time.

except when a seven year old is not nice to their brother.

then i can totally turn on the 'ms. jessica' voice.

this boy loves a "plush" - if you called it a stuffed animal (which i always do), he corrects you everytime.

brad loves wrestling. they love wrestling.

ugh, anyone else notice that this 'bob' went horribly wrong?  too many layers, need to blend a little more?  anyone?

and can i just tell you that i sometimes i am amazed by how well brad loves me.  when i have to work, he always stays with me, plays with the kids, talks to them, gets on their level.  gives them time.  which gives me a break if i need one, or lets me throw a load of laundry in the wash.  my favorite in the above picture:  sister and her hot dog bun smile.  she only eats hot dog buns at sonic because that's cool.

this picture describes their relationship to a T.  it kinda makes me throat hurt because it tells such a word picture.  that little one loves him.  LOVES him.  and brad loves him right back.  

when we have kids, i'm a goner...

iphoneonly (aka: IG for the week)

here's what's been happening over at instagram this week if you follow me there, if not, find me!
i'm morrisonlane on IG, i like to keep it simple.

peggy.  always ready for her close up.
masters and hart of dixie.
my two favorites, and that one in the blue shirt is especially pretty.
new NYC mug with a taxi on it.  i mean, come on!
picture day for lil bit's ballet class.
the annual lowes pick-up-flowers-for-spring-and-summer day.

have a good weekend, friends.

between you and me?

as i write this today, i'm not sure if it will ever get posted, but i need to write.

last april, in the cusp of my hand a dream became a reality. i was pregnant.  something i had prayed, dreamed and longed for my whole life had become true.  i was going to be a mother.  someones mom.  brad was going to be a dad.  a daddy.

and then as quick as that, my dream, our dream was shattered when i found out that i was miscarrying our baby.  a baby that would have been born last december, would have looked like brad and been ours.  i can not express to you the feeling i felt that day, the weekend following and the days and weeks after knowing that my body had failed me.  i never will forget one of the more defining moments in my life on sunday night, the weekend coming to an end, darkness.  saturday i had went through the motions and was okay, but then sunday night, as i took off my clothes and stepped in the shower naked, i suddenly became so aware of the fact that my body would not be changing.  i would not get a belly.  nothing.  i was empty.  brad heard me weeping and came in and asked if i was okay, and i was.  i just needed to mourn our loss one last time as the water cleansed my body.

that was last april.  a year ago.

tuesday i am going in for surgery to fix what is broken.  and hopefully, soon after that, this mamas heart will be a mother.  i have mothered more children than i can count; and am ready for it to be my turn.  for it to be our turn.

Source: abeautifulrippleeffect.com via Emma on Pinterest

when i think about the process.  a baby growing in my belly.  brad freaking out at delivery and needed a IV of coffee to keep him stable while i am assuring him it will be okay.  makes me smile, makes me laugh.  then seeing him holding our OUR bundle of joy, and then taking pictures of our little family... (we will have to find a way to sneak peggy in the hospital) it fills my heart with joy.

what i know for sure.

i have hope.

Source: Uploaded by user via Pugster Jewelry on Pinterest

i have hope still.  hope that it will be my turn soon, whatever that looks like. and that our turn at being parents is just around the bend.

i'm thankful for my husband,
great friends,
my job,
good doctors,
finally finding the right doctor,
and for this year of pain, growth and healing.

will you pray for me on tuesday?  pray for my surgeons hands - that they will be guided brilliantly to find and repair and make my insides good as new and ready to carry a child.

thanks friends.  i needed to get that out.

(boston:  runners, friends and family, your city.  you are in my prayers)