the pantry is clean and so are the brownies. hallelujah!

a month in to eating clean, and i think it might just stick.  it is great to feel like you know exactly what is going into your body and not feeling any guilt for eating anything!  and as you roll your eyes thinking we must be crazy, guys...you can eat anything!  i have made two batches of clean brownies and loved every last bite of them.  and heck yes, we licked that batter bowl clean.  we were like two rabid dogs when the word clean and brownies came out of my mouth and then when i made them and they were good?

fuuuuuugetaboutit.

so most ALL of my recipes are coming from thegraciouspantry.com---she is the genius behind my nonstarving self.
because of her, i have had pizza, brownies, and then the normal clean eating food as well.  so go give tiffany some love.
because well, she's the reason i ain't hungry.  and i've lost fourteen pounds to boot.  {speaking of boots, fall is here, and that means i need some new boots.  camel.  camel boots.  need.}

since we are clean now, we cleaned out the pantry.  see how that works?  clever, huh?
no 'bad" food in da house.  
nothing.  
so how can you "cheat" if all you have is clean food?  
yeah, i know.  stinks.  
up there, that's the before.

i mean, a girls gotta make room for her flax seed and chai seeds, the wheat germ is in the 'frig, don't you worry.  and while i am clean geeking out, i'll tell you this.  we have bee pollen too.  truth.

feels so great to know what is going onto your body.  to know exactly what is going in.  and it's all good for you.  every bite...good. for. you.  amazing.
wanna see what is not clean though?
this.

and since i am so confessing the degree to which the 'frig is a disaster.  i kinda like it.  i think it has personality.
a valentine from my mother in law.  and i mean, isn't it the cutest little thing ever?
a vintage postcard of the ryman auditorium that i got for my mom, that i can't seem to part with.  think it might be a framer.  just call me an indian giver.
and laura.  laura palmer.  who doesn't have her on their 'frig?

so i have showed you the insides of my cabinets, showed you the mess of my 'frig...tell me, what does your 'frig look like?

mess?

clean?

organized chaos?

and while i am writing this, i am waiting for these to come out of the oven.

brad thinks i'm a genius in the kitchen.
and i say "thank you lord and thank you tiffany."

timers going off, gotta go!

underwear and cheekwood.

if i had instagram right now, or an iphone for that matter (don't get me started...), or even, perhaps, a camera, i would have taken a picture of this moment that just happened.  here, let me paint a picture for you.

i was folding laundry and lil bit asked if she could help.  sure, i said, as i started haphazardly throwing her all of her brothers underwear i came across.  then gently i told her do this as i gave them the pop in the air to get al the wrinkles and folds out, then fold them like this as i folded them in half.  truth:  i don't fold underwear but it was better than asking a two year old to fold...the shirts.  she preceeded to "fold" the underwear and then harsly put them on the table as to which they would unfold. she repeated this until i had the rest of the load folded and ready to go to it's designated drawers.  then, one by one, she started hugging each pair of underwear saying oh, i love you until each little size 6 boys boxer briefs felt some love.

it would have been a great instagram picture.  or nikon picture.  i would have gotten tons of likes and i would have felt real cool.

whatever.

i do have pictures of cheekwood though. i'll show you.  cheekwood botanical garden here in nashville is beautiful year round.

read botanical + garden = pretty.  

for the past few months, they have had a tree house exhibit and lil bit and i grabbed our sweet friend pam, pulled her arm, talked her into it, and we became a trio and spent the afternoon in the midst of beauty.

lil bit and her sweet face.

pam and her sweet heart.

me and my, ugh, camera.

here, i'll let the pictures do the talking.

want to know more about these tree houses, here ya go.

what a fun, peaceful afternoon, spent in lovely company.

don't you just love days like that? 

days that you wake up with no plans and then the day turns into something wonderful?

life goes on...

the sun did not shine it was too wet to play... -dr seuss

 thats how i felt this weekend, life handed me a little more than i was ready for.

but i learned something.

i am strong.

and brad is stronger.  he is a rock when i need a rock.

he touches me just when i need to feel his love.

(he even throws the frisbee right into my hands, even though i never can quite get it to him)

he is patient and kind.

i am really blessed that in this life, it is my hand he is holding.

 life goes on...

it does.

especially when you lace up your tennis shoes and walk out the door.

and hear the birds chirping,

the wind blowing,

and life everywhere.

 and especially when you see this read circle headed your way.

go big or go home.

 life.

i grabbed it by the horns, or the dirt...

and gave this lady a home.

her name is pricilla.

 and her bff, betty. are adorning our deck now.

they hang and chat and do what bff's do.

ya know, sit and sit and sit...and just be.

(these bad boys were .97 cents at walmart!)

hello birds.

please direct your attention to your shiny and new bird feeders 

and not the two black cars parked in the driveway.

because what you leave behind ALL OVER THE CAR is less than desirable.

life goes on.  the sun comes out.  and new days are always better than the last.

i'm happy.  and i am thankful.

happy tuesday, friends.

older and lighter (literally).

a few weeks ago, i wrote this post.  as therapeutic as it was to write and to be real, still a struggle for me to really go there.  but i am all about being authentic and real, and that was just another way to be transparent.  

what happened though was something more than i expected.  people really read that post and really identified with what i wrote, felt my words and commented with "i feel ya" or encouragement.  i bragged and bragged on the fitness pal app, and i feel the same way about it today.  if you struggle with your weight, it needs to be your best friend.  trust me, i speak from experience.

trust me.

i told you in that post that bessie and i were keeping each other accountable, the goal was to work out at the least five times a week for 30 minutes minimum.  i mentioned our reward system, etc.

the first month our reward was go to the local vineyard for a relaxing day of fun and celebrating meeting our goals.  yet, we still were recording our day in the fitness pal app---so had to take it easy on the vino.  one of my goals for the new year was to learn more about wine so it was kinda kill two birds with one stone, educational yet rewarding field trip.  done and done.

danielle has since came on board, so now it's a threesome attacking the whole health and fitness regime like it's nobodies biiizzzzzness.  obviously since we went to the vineyard, we met our goal.
-we logged into the fitness pal app.
-worked out at least five days per week for one month.
-a minimum of 30 minutes.
-one day i even burnt 1458 calories. (that was just me bragging)

and i have met so many friends along the way doing this journey with me.  i love the fitness pal app, because i can encourage people from all over the world and tell them they are great and watch them succeed as well.  it really speaks my language.  and it's like all these people are watching me and i can't let them down --- so to the gym i go.  (at some point i nee to tell you that i am not getting paid my the fitness pal app, they do not know i exist, i am just a geeked out fan.)


so here are some pictures from the first reward trip at arrington vineyards.  i lost 10.5 lbs last month.  and my friends, danielle (on the left) and bessie (on the right) have lost as well.  next month, our reward trip is facials.  i can not wait!

this photo session was a bust literally.  we could not stop laughing...see loosing weight and getting healthy is fun!?

another thing this whole accountability thing is doing, making me take more pictures of me (gag!) and then following through with posting them (double gag!).

work in progress.  that's me.

also, sunday was my birthday and we went bowling, except we couldn't bowl because it as full.  so the kids played games in the arcade and we stood around and looked at each other.  that was AFTER, i played skiiball until i was weak in the wrist and then beat bessie at air hockey.  (she let me win, i think, since it was my birthday...)  and then we completed the night with a giants win on pins and needles.

i judged her. yes. and i really felt no shame.

saturday night brad and i went to a show at the exit inn here in nashville, it was a cool, eclectic crowd with plenty of people in coats and scarfs to die for and just a good mix of people.  early in the evening, i noticed a girl walking out of the bathroom with hair that was too long and not fixed.  her skirt was too short and too washed out denim.  no tights and over the knee boots that were just bad.  her shirt looked like she might had gotten it at a yard sale and not in a cool "oh yeah, this old thing?  i picked it up at a yard sale" cool, but a "i thought this shirt was awesome and i missed the mark" kinda look.  and a sweater, equally as bad.

i judged her.  yes.  and i really felt no shame.
i felt justified.
her outfit was bad.
her boots were worse.
her skirt.  well.

then the heel of her already bad boots broke so she walked with a limp just to keep the boots on her foot and the look of the boot still in place.  and then, of course, she chose me to stand in front of in an already crowded room.  i was annoyed.  with her outfit and more so with the boots.  that had broken.  every time she had to take a step, she would reach out and hold onto her what i assume was her husband so she didn't fall.

i judged her.  yes.  and i really felt no shame.

and as the night continued and i focused on kathleen edwards as she sang, every so often when she would limp to readjust her boot, she would hit me and of course i was distracted again by the girl in the bad outfit in the bad boots.

then kathleen edwards started singing a song with the following lyrics:

You don't talk to me
Not the way that you used to
Maybe I don't deserve
In a way that makes you think I do
I've been wondering
About what we're gonna do
A house full of empty rooms

You don't kiss me,
Not the way that I wish you would
Maybe I don't look at you
In a way that makes you think you should
Still I've been thinking about how it's gonna be
Years are giving [?]

And I'm far from perfect
I'm far from anything but I swear that when we started
I used to make you happy
But I don't know you
Not the way that I thought I did
Maybe you don't know me
And you don't wanna be the first to say
I've been wondering about what we're gonna do
And I've been wondering about what we're gonna do
A house full of empty rooms
A house full of empty rooms


and as she sang, i noticed the girl in the bad clothes with the bad hair crying.  wiping a tear from her eye after each painful line about a lonely and hard home.  leaning on her husband because her boot wouldn't allow her to stand upright.  but not wanting him to see.  but i saw the tears and the hand with the pretty polish that was wiping away tear after tear after tear.


and my heart was saddened.  and my heart was convicted.


and when i reached up to take a picture of kathleen edwards sing as she really felt the song, my arm accidentally brushed her shoulder and she turned to me and looked me in the eyes for a split second and smiled.  and what i saw in return was a girl with a beautiful, gorgeous face smiling back at me.  and as i smiled back at her, i was reminded not only was her face beautiful but her heart was much more beautiful than mine.

 be kind to one another.  

you never know what a person is going through.

and who cares what they have on.

doesn't matter at all.

i already knew that.

and saturday night i was reminded.

jessica's top 10 reasons to love the national in nashville.

1.  the gravely voice of lead singer matt berninger is perfection.

2.  the guitarist who flank each side of him are identical twin brothers.

3.  lead singer, matt berninger, said the previous night they had shared a venue with an arena that was doing the live mary poppins show.  he went on to say that there were a lot of inappropriate mary poppins jokes made last night and he would refrain from them tonight.  then he said, "so i dedicate this song to mary poppins and her family......is mary poppins even real???"

4.  after the show, the violinist/keyboarder for the night walked me.  my partner in crime said, "you should ask him to sign your poster...nudge, nudge."  i said, "i don't have a pen.  (sorry charlie)"  he said, "but i do."  i got his autograph and we exchanged words and smiles.

5.  because matt can scream and it sounds awesome, and if any one else did it, it would sound rediculous.  

6.  when he does go into his screaming lyrics, it looks very much like he is having an all out temper tantrum, but he is just feeling the music.  and it is lovely.  as you watch, you can tell it is what he was born to do.

7.  on stage he talked about when he was a young man.  and then he went on to say, "i can be responsible for what i did when i was young...when i was in my thirties..."

okay, that's just funny.

8.  the camaraderie of the band on stage, they talked to each other as if they were genuine friends.  and even though it was me and thousands of their closest friends gathered to hear them sing, i felt just like perhaps they would still sing if it would have just been me.  even though, i am aware this is highly unlikely...no need to point that out.  thank you very much.

9.  the last song of the encore, they performed sans microphones and au natural.  just the national and the ryman.

perfection.

10.  you are officially cool in my book, if you can crowd surf while singing wearing a suit.  

i mean, come on...could you do that?  and make it work?

yeah, me either.

the nashville contributor

last friday on my way to work, in my hurry to get to starbucks and to get a skinny, decaf, iced white mocha with no whip {nothing complicated there, folks} grande - i noticed for the second time this week a gentleman, we'll call him ben.

some of my favorite people are ben's.  and when i think of that name, you just can't help but think 'that's just a nice guy....  don't you agree?

oh heck.  wait a minute.  i just remembered that the bad guys name on LOST which i have recently become addicted's [LOST, not ben] name is ben.  and he is not a nice guy.  that show!

anyway.

we are still going to name him ben because of my previous said thoughts in the second paragraph.  keep it together jessica.  it's just a blog.

ben has been on the corner of my road for the last two days selling the nashville contributor.  this is a paper written by the homeless, about the homeless.  you have to have been homeless or currently homeless to sell the paper.  the paper cost $1 and ben gets seventy five cents for every paper he sells.  pretty cool huh?  if you have seen one of these guys (or girls around town) in nashville, take a moment to notice them.  

we all have value and something good to offer.

you could buy a paper with insight that you might not already have for one dollar once a month and change a life.  

take a moment today and read about this paper and how it got started and the good it is doing.  

remember, every one has a story, even these guys.

All of the vendors selling this paper have experienced homelessness and they keep the profit from each paper that they sell. They start out with free papers, and, if they like selling, they return and purchase their supply for 25¢ each, sell them on the street for $1 and keep the profit.

Vendors have the opportunity to earn additional free papers by pursuing greater involvement in The Contributor by writing stories, photographing events, recruiting other quality vendors, and attending monthly paper release meetings.

(taken from www.thenashvillecontributor.org)